Identity
by SmallTimeWriter
Summary: Marion was dead. Amy was hurt. So Jack picked up the phone and called her, but by inviting Lou back to Heartland, he was also inviting all the pain and secrets Marion and he had tried so hard to bury.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters. Give credit to those who deserve it.**

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**Summary: Marion was dead. Amy was hurt. So Jack picked up the phone and called her, but by inviting Lou back to Heartland, he was also inviting all the pain and secrets Marion and he had tried so hard to bury. **

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**Chapter One**

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The sky was dark for the time of day, the snow was falling and the air was chilly but the noise of the city remained the same. The horns honking, sirens wailing and the people shouting. Music played from in stores, blaring out on to the open streets. It was chaotic, but perfect. She no longer minded having to squish through the crowds on the streets, bumping shoulders with other people. It was all part of living here, in the big apple.

"Momma."

She stopped at the cross walk, looking down at the little girl by her side. Those deep brown eyes staring into hers as if they were reaching into her soul. But it was the word that captured her attention, that one significate word that she had desperately wanted to hear when she was younger, but not one she had heard until just 6 months ago at age 29. it wasn't from the child she had thought she'd hear it from, however it was just as loving, filled with such innocence and trust.

"Yes?"

"Your phone."

Frowning, she placed a hand on her pocket feeling the vibration. "Oh." She pulled it out, swiping the call, not paying any attention to the caller id. "Lou, speaking." She listened to the breathing, the slow unsteady breathing. "Hello?" She asked again, giving the little girl a reassuring smile. "Is there anyone..."

"Lou..."

Lou felt her heart plumpet to her stomach, and without realising she drew her daughter closer, as if to keep her secure. She couldn't remember the last time she'd heard this voice, was it 10 year ago, or 12? And if she was hearing it now, then something, something had happened. "What happened?" Her voice was filled with dread.

"Lou, you need to come home."

The urgency in his voice made Lou's knees shake. "Is she okay?" Her lips trembled with fear.

"Your mom's gone, Lou." A brief pause as he tried to regain his breathing, steady his emotions. "Amy's hurt."

Lou didn't need to know the details, it was clear enough from the words that whatever Marion Fleming had involved herself in, she had included Amy. Reckless. That was all Lou could think of her mother, to risk Amy's life. That was nothing but selfishness. "I'll be on the next flight." She ended the call before he could speak again, before she could break down. Her bottom lip quivered, eyes had welled with tears and she wondered briefly if she should feel guilty that her mothers death was not upsetting, that it was the fact that Amy was hurt that broke her heart.

"Momma, what's wrong?"

Lou looked down, those deep soulful eyes showing empathy. "Nothing baby." She refused to bring up another death in front of her daughter. "Come on, we are going on a trip." She leaned down and picked up the small seven year old, needing to have her close.

"Where to?"

"Heartland." Lou breathed the name of the place that she had avoided for many years, a place she had refused to return to because it made the memories of everything she had ever tried to bury return.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"I'm looking for Amy Fleming..."

"Lou."

Lou stilled, her hand squeezing that of the little girls beside her. Since the phone call she had been unable to get the voice outside of her head, it was on repeat. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to turn around and face him, a man she had once adored. She still remembered his face, the disappointment, when she drove away from Heartland without looking back. Except he only knew half the truth of why she had left that day.

"Lou."

Breathing deeply she turned to see him, and she had to bite her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Lou took in all of his features in seconds, if there was a single thing that had changed it would be that he had gotten greyer, otherwise everything had remained the same. Except this time he didn't look disappointed, he looked concerned, perhaps a little confused. "Grampa." She finally cleared her throat, allowing the name to tumble out. A name she hadn't spoken in years. "How is she?" It was easier to divert her attention to what she had come here for, after all Amy being okay was all she really cared about.

"Amy's asleep." He took a hesitant step forward. "It's wonderful to see you again, Lou, I just wish it was under better circumstances." He looked as though he wanted to hug her but was holding back, restraining himself. "You've grown..."

"Momma."

Lou tore her eyes away from her grandfather, dropping them to the little girl who was staring between them completely confused. "Oh sweetie, this is my grandfather. Jack." Lou dared to take a glance at the man before her, seeing the shock in his features. "Grampa, this is my daughter, Georgina."

"Momma calls me Georgie. Hi." She gave him one of her bright smiles, showing off all her pearly white teeth.

Jack Bartlett felt as though he had been thrown off a horse then trotted on. He had not expected this. His granddaughter had a child, his great grandchild and he hadn't know. His heart sank, realising how much distance there truly was between them. If this accident hadn't occurred then he would still be none the wiser to this little ones existence. If there was one thing Jack had prided himself on, it was his love for his family, and he had failed Lou in every aspect of it. He couldn't fail her daughter to.  
Leaning down he extended his hand to the little girl. "Well, it is very, very, nice to meet you Georgie." He gave a slight smile when the little girl shook his hand.

Lou breathed a sigh of relief, rubbing Georgie's shoulder with her hand. She wondered how this would go, after all, there was only one person in her family that knew of Georgie's existence. Not because she was ashamed, not because she didn't speak to everyone else but because she was mostly afraid of their reactions. The one person she did tell, was the one she knew would not hate her for it. "Can we..." She looked back at Amy's room, and her Grampa gave a brief nod of his head. "When did this happen?"

Jack didn't often look sheepish, or embarrassed yet he somehow managed to show it. He knew in his gut that his first call should have been to her, to tell her to come home, to allow her to say good-bye to her mother but he didn't call, he didn't because of Marion. He had tried to uphold his daughters last wishes by holding out on his granddaughter. "Uh," He rubbed the back of his head nervously. "Almost a fortnight ago. I would have called sooner, things were..."

Lou shook her head, fighting down the feelings of anger. She should have been his first call but at the same time she was relieved he had waited. She would no longer need to attend her mothers funeral because it would have been held already. She would not have to listen to him tell Amy about her death because Amy would already know. It was a hard decision but Lou understood. "I'm here now."

"Grampa, I wondered..." Amy stopped speaking, her eyes falling on the woman and child who entered the room behind her grandfather. "Who are you?"

Lou breathed deeply attempting to calm all her nerves, the question struck her like a knife in the heart. This hadn't been the relationship she wanted for them, that she had begged her mother for. And now after 12 years she had to explain who she was, to the girl that should have known her.  
Had her mother even mentioned her to Amy after her departure? She doubted it. If there was a word to explain Marion Fleming it was strong willed, and with strong wiliness came stubbornness.

Jack looked between his granddaughters, his heart tearing in two. Aching because this wasn't how it was supposed to be. "Amy," He spoke her name slowly stepping further into the room. "Amy, this is Lou...your..." He paused, eyes closing because he couldn't bare to look at Lou as she stood there with her hand pressed against her mouth obviously trying to contain any sobs that might escape. He wondered how she was still standing, after all these years.

Amy stared at the brunette across the room, the one with the little girl pressed into her side. Her supposed sister. All Amy could think of was all that her mother had said, all those years of rants when she thought no one was paying attention. "Don't bother, Grampa, I don't have a sister."

"Amy." Jack reprimanded, embarrassed that those words fell from her lips.

Amy glared, ignoring the pain in her body. "What are you doing here?"

Lou wanted to run, she wanted to walk right out the door and collapse on the floor. To allow her body to be taken over by the intense pain and sorrow that she felt but she was stronger now. Stronger then she had ever been and she would not allow, her daughter, her grandfather...or Amy to see her as anything less.  
She breathed deeply, wrapped her arms around Georgie's shoulders and straightened her own back. She could deal with any 15 year old hatred, she heard worse. "I'm here because we are family."

Amy raised her eyebrow. "Are we?"

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**Thoughts? **

**Much Love. x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters. Give credit to those who deserve it. **

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**Chapter Two**

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"Why is she here, Grampa?"

Jack breathed deeply, when he looked into Amy's eyes all he could see was curiousity and betrayal. He knew Amy didn't know much about Lou, apart from her name and that she existed. He knew if Marion had it her way Amy would never have known that Lou exisited but it was hard to keep a whole town from mentioning her. "Marion was her mother." It seemed like a simple enough answer, but it wasn't a completely truthful one. Marion wasn't the reason he'd called Lou home.

"Mom wouldn't want her here."

"Amy." Jack admonished, but he knew she was right. What he wished he knew was if it was out of spite or if Marion thought Lou wouldn't want to come. "I called her. Lou is family and she deserves..."

"No! Lou hasn't been here since I was a toddler. Why would you ask her to come back..." Amy groaned in pain as she tried to sit up in the bed.

"Settle down. You shouldn't be..."

"I'm fine, Grampa. When am I going to be able to get out of here? I just want to go home."

"Soon. The doctors are contemplating releasing you late this afternoon."

"I don't want her there."

"Amy."

"No Grampa. Mom wouldn't want her at Heartland."

"Stop!" Jack Bartlett raised his voice, making Amy's eyes pop open wide. He could never remember a time when he had raised his voice at Amy, though he had done with Lou many times. However, this nonsense had to stop. He know long thought it was right to have his family seperated. "Your mom is gone, Amy, and I know it..." He paused, taking a moment to collect himself as his hands started to shake. For all her faults, Marion was still his daughter. "She's gone, but Lou is here."

Amy glared, her eyes filled with anger. "She's never wanted to come home before."

"That may be, but she has also never been welcome." He took a step towards the bed, looking down at the very reason he never talked about the past. "But I want her here. Amy, I haven't seen Lou in a very long time, I've missed my granddaughter."

"I'm your granddaughter. I'm the one who has always been here."

Jack placed a hand on her shoulder gently. "I'm not asking you to accept her with open arms, Amy, but Lou is allowed to stay for as long as she pleases." He took a step back. "I love you, I do but I do love Lou as well." He heard the words fall from his lips and he tried to remember the last time he'd openly admitted his love for his eldest granddaughter.

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**...**

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Lou stood outside the room, listening to the words that carried through the door. She held Georgie close, pressed the child's head to her stomach, hands covering her ears. She didn't want the seven year old to hear what was being said because she knew it would only make Georgie worry. Perhaps even make her angry because she hated when people spoke bad about her momma.

Lou couldn't say she was surprised by Amy's response to her presence but it was disheartening.  
What did surprise her was her Grandfather's reaction. He had told Amy that he wanted her here. It was the first time she had felt wanted by him in years and she briefly wondered if that was only because of Georgie's presence. But then she shook her head and remembered he hadn't known about Georgie until they arrived.

"Lou, why don't you go ahead and go hom...uh," He rubbed his hands together nervously, as if uncertain what he should call the place she had grown up. "Back to the ranch. Amy and I will be home later tonight."

"Grampa,"

Jack shook his head, knowing exactly what he was about to hear from her. "At the moment she is grieving, hurt and confused but if you leave, then it'll only intensify what she already feels for you." He took a step forward, very hesitantly placing a hand on her arm. "I want you here Lou, I need you here and so will she."

Lou bit her bottom lip, nodding her head slowly. "Okay. I'll see you later." She backed away from him, unsure if she should be returning to Heartland. Was it the wisest decision after all this time?

"Momma."

Lou glanced down at Georgie as they walked back through the hospital. "Yes honey?"

"Are you gonna call Grandpa?"

Lou sucked in a breath as Georgie reminded her, she had promised to call her father as soon as she arrived. "I'll call him as soon as we get you some lunch." She had no idea what she was going to say to her father, he was concerned that her return would open old wounds and he was right. She could already feel the band aids breaking away.

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**...**

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Lou felt like the life was draining out of her, every second of those insufferable years were flooding back into her mind.  
Her hand gripped the car door just to steady herself, because she was afraid. Afraid that she would collapse on the floor beneath the weight of the memories.  
Nothing had changed, and she struggled to know whether that was a good thing or perhaps just another trigger.

The hospital.  
Now the house.

Her body was experiencing to many emotions at the same time.  
Fear.  
Sorrow.  
Pain.  
Anxiety.  
And a small piece of happiness that she had finally laid eyes on Amy again.

Not that Amy wanted her here. The 15 year old held so much resentment within her body, and while Lou felt most of it was unjustified, she accepted it because a part of her did feel guilty for leaving because not only did she walk away that day but so did he.

_"Dad, you can't..."_

_Tim grabbed his suit case off the bed, turning to find his 18 year old daughter standing by the door. "Get in the car, Lou, I'll be right behind you sweetie."_

_Lou shook head, tears running down her cheeks. Amy's cries could be heard loudly from the other room, as her mom tried to calm her. "Dad if you leave then..."_

_"Go Lou." Tim's voice left no room for arguing and Lou left the door away. _

_"You can't do this Tim, how could you think that leaving Marion and Amy..."_

_Tim grit his teeth, no longer did Lou stand there but Jack. "Don't you dare. I can't do any good here Jack, I abandon my wife and Amy, or I abandon Lou. It's an impossible choice but Lou needs me."_

_"She's a grown girl. This is her decision."_

_"No!" Tim's voice thundered through the room. "You think she would leave here if she had another choice. You know I'm right Jack. Lou has always wanted to be like you, her dream has always been to run this ranch, to do you proud." Tim saw the waver of emotion in Jack's eyes. "You can hate me for this now, but one day you'll understand. My little girl needs me, and I won't be like Marion. I won't let her down." _

_"Tim!"_

_Tim shouldered past Jack, catching sight of Lou who stood behind him. She'd heard them. "Come on, kiddo."_

_"Daddy! Daddy!" _

_Tim flinched, hearing the sound of Amy's voice but he didn't look back, he grabbed Lou's hand and pulled her along behind him. He could feel her shaking, and see the tears rolling down her cheeks. _

_"You can't, she needs you."_

_"No kid, you need me. I failed to protect you once. I will not fail you again."_

"Momma."

Lou blinked, pulling away from the memory to see Georgie standing in front of her, head tilted with those eyes once again staring at her with such intensity. "Come on, let's go inside."

"Momma. Why is Amy mad at you?"

Lou breathed deeply. "Amy is grieving. Her heart is hurting, just like yours was when you lost you other mom."

"Oh." Georgie frowned thoughtfully. "Why have I never met Jack? Or Amy? I only know Grandpa. Did they not wanna meet me?"

Lou crouched down to be eye level with her daughter. "Oh no, sweetie. That's my fault."

"Why?"

"I haven't been here in a very long time, not since I left with Grandpa. It's hard for momma, to be here, so I haven't told anyone apart from Grandpa about you. I'm sorry, Georgie." Lou expected the little girl to be angry with her because she knew it looked bad to have told no one other then her father about her daughter. It was how most people would act if they were ashamed.

Georgie wrapped her arms around her mothers neck. "It's okay, momma. You look sad. What's wrong?"

Lou inhaled her daughters scent, holding her close and allowing a tear to slip down her cheek. "Momma just wishes things were different." She kissed Georgie's cheek. "Come on, no more sadness. Let's go inside."

"Does Jack have horses?"

"Oh yes." Lou smiled slightly as the little girls face lit up with excitement. She looked behind Georgie to the house, sorrow filled her. "Come on, lets go see the horses." It felt good to turn her back on the house, but then dread filled her when she realised she was heading straight for the barn. The one place her mother loved.

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**...**

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"Grampa."

Jack looked over at Amy who was curled up in the passanger seat. He was surprised to see how much better she looked now that they were away from the hospital. "Yes, Amy?"

Amy frowned, as if she wasn't quiet certain she wanted to ask but she knew she wanted to know. "If mom and Lou weren't on good terms, then why is she here? She didn't come all this way for me. I don't know her, I don't remember her."

Jack smiled slightly. "Of course she came for you Amy. Lou loves you." If there was anything Jack had ever been certain of, it was that Lou did love Amy, endlessly. "You might not remember her Amy, but Lou remembers everything about those first few years with you."

"Why happened? Why did she leave?" Amy questioned, asking the one thing that had always plagued her mind. "Mom never spoke about it, only that Lou was the reason dad left. And you have never really spoken Lou's name until now."

Jack nodded, it was true, he had avoided saying Lou's name since she had left but he also knew he couldn't tell Amy the truth. The truth was never to be spoken about. "Lou has her reasons but despite what your mom told you Amy, Lou was not the reason your dad left. That was not her fault."

Amy shook her head angrily. "Why can't you just tell me the truth! Why does everyone have to lie?! No one has spoken her name in years and yet you invited her here?! She's in our home, at Heartland. She has a freaking child, no one knew about. Why?! Why did Lou leave? Why have I not seen or heard from my sister since I was a toddler. Can I even call her my sister? She's a stranger!"

Jack glanced across, his heart aching as he listened to Amy's rant, the hurt that was coming from her. "You listen to me, if I could tell you then I would but Marion never wanted it spoken about and I need to respect that. Lou left because..."

"Why?!" Amy demanded when it was clear he wasn't going to tell her.

"Because something happened to her, and your mother took the only good thing to come from it, for herself." He didn't agree with what Marion had done but as her father he tried to back her, to respect her. In doing so, his family fell apart. "I think your mother thought she was doing the right thing, but your father, he never agreed with it. It tore them apart and broke Lou in the process."

"Was it me? Was mom getting pregnant was that...did I contribute?"

Jack reached over and squeezed his granddaughters hand. "Amy, you are here and we are all so grateful for you. Don't doubt that, not ever."

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**Thoughts?  
What do you think tore this family in half?  
**

**Thank-you for the reviews. I wasn't going to release this chapter so soon but, well, why not?! Hope you enjoyed it. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters. Please give credit to those who deserve it. **

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**Chapter Three**

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Lou felt like her entire body was riding an emotional rollercoaster, when her bottom finally hit the sofa all she could do was lean back and close her eyes, just hoping for one moment to regain some control.  
Miraculously she had avoided entering the barn, she saw some horses in the paddocks and redirected Georgie's attention yet she knew tomorrow when the seven year old woke she would want to go back out there. Lou didn't think she could take any more reminders of her mother, she didn't want to think about her but everything..._everything_ in this place reminded her of Marion Fleming. Lou wanted to ask, to know, how a woman who was supposed to love her, tore her apart.

Feeling her phone vibrating in her pocket, she pulled it out. Checking the caller id, she smiled slightly. "Hey dad."

"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?"

Despite being 29, Lou knew she would always be her fathers little girl. "I'm okay." It was a lie, she was far from okay but she didn't want him to worry. He always worried when it came to her, but he also trusted that she would make the best decision for herself at the time. Something neither her mother or grandfather had ever thought.

"You don't need to lie to me, I can hear it in your voice."

"It's just..." She breathed deeply, trying to will back the tears that were springing to her eyes. "What if I can't do this? This house, everything reminds me of her, of everything she took from me."

"Then you come home." Tim immediately told her, giving her the option of an out. "But you're stronger then you give yourself credit for. This is everything you've always wanted Lou, a chance to see Amy again."

"She hates me." Lou's bottom lip quivered, drawing her knees up onto the sofa so she could hug them to her chest, her hair falling around to frame her face. "I'm afraid." Lou's fear came from the idea that Amy would reject her and the 15 year old already was.

"Sweetie, that's exactly what you said when Georgie came into your care and look at you now, that little girl loves you."

Lou sniffled. "It's different. Amy's had mom," The word fell from her lips distastefully. "All these years. I don't know what lies she's told or how she portrayed me. Amy didn't even know who I was because I've never been allowed back here." That last part she felt was a little unfair, she had really wanted to come back to Heartland, but she would have for Amy, just like she was now.

"Lou. Hey, listen to me, you've got this. Amy doesn't know you, and despite what I think of your grandfather or what you do, we both know he won't let Amy run you down while you stand there. You get to show Amy the real Lou Fleming." There was a brief pause. "Do you want to come home?"

Lou sighed, she wished with every part of her being that it was easy to just grab Georgie and go, but she'd waited years for this moment, to be back in this house even if she didn't want to be. Amy was here and so was her grandfather, even if she wasn't sure if they really wanted her, she would stay. "I've got to stay, even if it's just for a few days."

"If you need anything, I mean anything, Lou, you call and I'll be on the first plane. I've got your back, kid."

She wasn't a kid anymore, but Lou felt a small smile grace her lips, that staying meant everything to her. "I know, dad, you always have. I love you."

"I love you too. Give my love to that rugrat, let her know Grandpa's got a big surprise waiting for her."

Lou startled when she heard the door open, alerting her to the presence of her grandfather and Amy. "I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow." Lou hung up, and stood up just as they stepped into the kitchen. Her hands shook nervously as she gestured to the plates on the table, a peace offering of sorts. "I thought you might be hungry."

"Just great you're still here." Amy glared in her direction, eyes filled with angry. "I'm going to bed."

"Amy!"

Lou saw the shift in Amy's eyes, the stiffness in her body. Lou had expected that reaction towards her, but she noticed that Amy did not even cast a look in her grandfathers direction nor wish him goodnight. "It's okay, Grampa." Lou sighed, moving forward to take the plate off the table. "I had a feeling she wouldn't want it." She went to grab his plate. "Would you like me to heat it for you?"

Jack raised his eyebrow, not expecting such hospitality from his granddaughter in his own home. "I can do it."

"It'll only take a few minutes." She walked towards the microwave, drawing in a deep breath when he settled down at the kitchen table behind her.

"Thank-you." Jack observed her, though her back was to him. She seemed to be quiet rigid, which to him seemed as if she was unsure of her place and his reaction. That devastated Jack, and he briefly wondered how his late wife would react knowing that he had shunned their granddaughter from her family home. He could only begin to imagine how hard this was for her to stand in this house. "Lou, I..."

"Please don't." She interrupted, gripping the counter with her hands. "Please do not drag up the past. I can't, I can't deal with anymore right now." She knew if he spoke one word regarding her mother, then she would break and she did not want him to see her in such a position.

Jack nodded, understanding that he needed to just let it go for a moment. "Can you..." He paused, unsure if he should even ask the question. What kind of grandfather was he to need to ask about her life. "You have a daughter now, is there also a husband or..."

"No." Lou shook her head, cutting him off before he could make any assumptions based on her life. She slowly turned to face him, wanting to see his reaction. "It is just Georgie and I. I started fostering her 3 years ago, the adoption was finalised recently." She saw the surprise in his eyes, as if he had not even contemplated that they weren't biologically related. "She's mine, Grampa, in every way that matters."

"Of course she is." Jack smiled. "I'm glad that you..." He stopped himself, seeing her face drop. He didn't finish his sentence, he wasn't even sure what he was going to say. Nothing seemed like the right thing. "How old is she?"

"Seven." Lou glanced towards the hall, her daughter was currently sleeping in the bedroom that had once been hers, yet it held no trace that she ever existed. Just another thing Lou was trying to block out so she didn't fall apart. It was as if they had thrown out anything that she had touched, that was hers.  
The beeping of the microwave caught her attention and she spun around, pulling it out and quickly placing it on the table in front of him. "I should go get some rest." Awkwardly she moved around his chair.

"Lou."

She stopped, biting her bottom lip but not turning to face him. "Yes?"

"Welcome home."

Those words was all it took, she practically ran to the bedroom, opening the door and slowly shutting it behind her. Her bottom lip quivered as she leaned against the wood and slowly fell to the floor. Those tears she had been holding back since the moment she received the phone call came rushing down her face as if the flood gates had finally opened and she bit her bottom lip with enough force to draw blood, just to keep herself quiet so he wouldn't hear, so that Georgie wouldn't wake. All so that she wouldn't have to explain this.  
She'd sat here in this position, on this floor, so many times before. Crying, fighting a million emotions within herself. With a simple question just rolling over and over. _"Why? Why me?"  
_She knew what her mother would say to that. _"Because you never listen! If you just did as you were told this would all have been avoided." _But it wasn't just that anymore, she wanted the answer for all the shit that came after it. Lou cried because she didn't want this to be her fault anymore.  
Her eyes flickered to Georgie, and she knew if it was her little girl in that position she never would blame her, because it wouldn't be her fault.

The tears ran and she did nothing to try and stop them, she crawled at her arms and tried to curl into herself against the door, she couldn't remember the last time she allowed herself the chance to just cry. To grieve for her loss.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Amy leaned against the head of her bed, listening to soft neighs from the horses outside, feeling the breeze from her window against her skin. This was normally how she loved to end her nights, it was perfect, except now it was ruined.

Her mom was dead.  
She was hurt.  
And in her house, was a stranger and her kid.

Amy wanted to remember those first few years, just to catch a glimpse of whom her sister was. All she had was vague words from her mother, and even less from her grandfather, and a few whispers from around town which only confused her more.  
How could she be happy to see a woman she didn't know? A woman she had wished and begged to meet until she was 6 and realised that Lou didn't want to be apart of their family.

Amy saw the bear sitting at the end of her bed, the one her grandfather had given to her on her fifth birthday. He'd told her it was a present from her father and Lou and her mother had thrown it in the bin. She remembered how angry her mother had been that day, shouting words and sayings. Amy only remembered that it was Lou who took their father away, who made him leave her. Yet now her grandfather was saying different. Was that why he had snuck that bear back into her room later that night, when she was crying herself to sleep? Her five year old self had been smart enough to hide it at the time but why was it sitting there now? 10 years later.  
The longer she looked at it, the more anger Amy could feel. Why had Lou driven their family apart? Why had she taken their father? What had she done?  
But why had he chosen Lou, why did he walk out the door and leave her behind? She still remembered shouting his name.

The tears ran down Amy's cheeks as she reached for the bear, ripping the head from its body. "I hate you!" Amy cried. "I hate you. I hate you." She ripped the bear, the fluff falling from inside it's body onto the bed. "You selfish cow!" Amy threw the body across the room, the fluff flying and that when she saw it. Though the tears, the small little photograph just sticking out from beneath the fluff. "What..." She grabbed it, it was her and...Lou. She had never seen a picture of Lou and most certainly never seen one of the both of them. "When..." It was from her 1st birthday, the writing on the cake told her that. But Lou was holding her with a smile on her face, she could see her mother in the background of the photo, and her eyes widened at the murderous look in her eyes. "What's wrong mom?" She practically pleaded with the photo, wiping the tears away so that she could see clearly. "I don't understand." She turned the photo over.

_"Happy 5th Birthday, Ames. I may not be with you, but I love you always. All my love, Lou."_

Amy frowned. "Always loved me?" She shook her head. "If you loved me, you never would have left and stole our father." She tore the phone in half and threw it to the ground. "If you loved me, you'd leave and never come back!"

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**Thoughts? **

**Again another update that I wasn't going to post today but your reviews made me smile and want to get this out! Thank-you for all your kind words.  
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you think of it.  
**

**Much Love. x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I** do not own Heartland nor the characters, please give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I apologize for being gone the last few days after pumping out a few quick updates. We are in the process of attempting to sell our house so things have been quiet busy. Anyone, this one is longer then normal so I do hope you enjoy it. **

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**Chapter Four**

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Jack stared out the window, his morning coffee in hand as he took in the sight of his land as he had done every morning for many years. The house was quiet, the birds were chirping, and in the near distance he could hear the horses whining. In most peoples eyes, this was the perfect morning except he knew better. It was only thirteen days ago he had lost his daughter, and almost his granddaughter. And now in his house was Lou, the granddaughter that has fled Heartland.  
He had often wondered what their reunion would look like, that was if they ever had one but this was not what he had pictured it to be.

He had loved her from the moment Marion had announced her pregnancy. And for the moment she had been born, he had cherished her. This tiny little human, his granddaughter. He had given her another reason to breathe.  
He remembered when she was a little girl how she would follow him around the ranch, imitating his every move. _"One day Grampa this is going to be all mine."_ She'd said it with such conviction, standing on porch beside him sipping orange juice while he had coffee. He'd never forget that bright smile on her lips when she had said it, nor would he forget the way his heart swelled knowing she loved this place as much as he.

Jack sighed, he had been torn between his daughter and his granddaughter. It had been an impossible choice, and most days he found himself questioning if he had made the right one. It was all a mess now, and he had helped make it this way. He wondered if Lou hated him, she would be right to. It was why he felt selfish knowing that he needed to ask for her help but it was for Heartland. The place she had once loved.

The slight bit of movement flicked in the corner of his eye and he turned to find Lou's little girl. It amazed him that although they were not biologically related, Georgie was a striking familiar image of Lou at the same age. If he pulled out old photos it would be amazing. "Well, good morning."

Georgie blinked sleepily, looking up at the man in the kitchen. "Hi." She looked around the room, this wasn't home, it was certainly different and this man wasn't grandpa, he was mommas grandpa. An unfamiliar stranger. Momma never talked about her family, and Georgie had never asked. She wondered if she was supposed to be nice or if they hurt Momma. She remembered Momma crying once. Maybe it was because of him.

Jack Bartlett couldn't help but let a small smile take over on his usually firm lined lips. The little brown haired curl with her pearly white teeth was standing in front of him rubbing her sleepily eyes. "You hungry?"

Georgie nodded. "Uh huh."

Jack glanced behind her to the hallway. "Your mom still sleeping?"

"Yep." She moved to sit on one of the chairs. "Is Amy still at the hospital?" She had been sleeping when they arrived home last night and knew no different. She was only certain that Amy didn't like her momma.

Jack placed a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster. "No, she's upstairs sleeping. So, Georgie, do you like horses?" He couldn't help but feel happiness well inside of him when he saw her bright smile. She had clearly gained Lou's love for animals.  
He wondered if she had ever gotten back onto a horse, he doubted it. He imagined it would only be a trigger.

Georgie nodded her head frantically. "I love horses. My grandpa takes me riding all the time and he promised to buy me my own horse. Momma says he's not allowed until I'm bigger, cause horses are a lot of work."

Jack had heard her say grandpa before, he was certain of it but did she mean Tim? He wondered if Tim was around, he hadn't expected he would be. After all, was he the type of bloke that would stick around for his daughter after he abandoned his wife and toddler, Jack doubted it. "Uh, your momma is right. Horses are a lot of work."

"Grampa! Grampa!"

"Amy." Jack abandoned the toast and looked towards the stairs just in time to see Amy practically run into the room. "What has happened? Are you hurt?"

"Why'd you bring that horse here?" Amy demanded to know, her finger pointing to the door where she could here the horse loudly making it's presence known.

Jack hadn't wanted Amy to find out this way, he wanted to take her out there and talk it over but he knew that having Spartan here was the right call. Amy could work miracles with horses, just like her mother, he was certain of it. Bringing them together would allow both their wounds to heal. "I thought you and that horse had a lot in common."

Amy shook her head, saving that horse was the reason her mother died, the last thing she wanted to do was see it. Now it was living here, at her ranch. "Send it back."

He could see the hurt in her eyes, and he had expected there to be some but it wouldn't do any good to simply get rid of the horse. "You don't have see him yet Amy, but when your ready he'll be there."

"I don't think I'm every going to be ready, Grampa." She spared a glance at the kid who was watching them. They hadn't formally been introduced but she knew that it was Lou's kid. If this were uncomplicated and Lou had never left then she would have been this kids Aunt, but now she was just another reminder of the sister and father whom abandoned her. "I suppose your mothers still here then."

Georgie frowned. "She's sleeping."

Amy snorted. "Of course, she is. Does she know we are a ranch? People don't just get to sleep in till midday."

"You're mean." Georgie stated with the innocence that only a child could have. "I don't like you." She had heard the way this girl spoke to her momma in the hospital, and she had heard her mother crying at night, even if her momma hadn't wanted her to hear and it was all cause of this girl.

Amy merely shrugged. "I don't like you either."

"Amy." Lou interrupted, looking from the 15 year old to Georgie.

Amy turned around, backing away from her. "Don't talk to me." She immediately headed for the door.

"Don't go, I just..."

"Lou." Jack spoke his granddaughters name as the door slammed closed. "Just give it a little time."

"How much time?" Lou asked softly, were the last years not enough distance between them. She understood that Amy was angry and hurt, but this teenager knew nothing of what truly happened. She didn't know what Lou had gone through.  
Lou tried so hard to reign in her disappointment, to remind her self that Amy could have been fed a million lies by her mother. But was it wrong of her to just want to hug Amy? After all, she couldn't remember the last time she had been allowed to just hold her.

"Momma."

Lou straightened her shoulders, there was no time for that. Not to dwell on the past, this was the present. Amy would come round, at least once she heard her side of things, she had to right? "Hey, honey, how did you sleep?"

"Good." Georgie tilted her head as if she was studying her mothers facial expression. "Are you alright, momma? Do you need a hug?"

Lou felt those words hit her right in the heart, she immediately stepped forward and gathered Georgie into her arms. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you more, momma." Georgie squeezed her tightly, she knew her momma was in pain, she could see it. Where was Grandpa? He always knew how to make her feel better. "Momma, can I call grandpa now?" She had been waiting impatiently since yesterday afternoon, and now seemed like the perfect time. He'd know how to cheer momma up. "Please!"

Lou nodded. "Alright, go on, my phone is beside the bed." She barely could get the sentence out before Georgie was off the chair and rushing out of the room. She shook her head, she hadn't expected how close her father would grow to Georgie, but she relished in seeing their relationship grow.

"Grandpa..."

Lou looked over at her grandfather, she knew that he had never truly gotten along nor accepted her father. There was also no denying the anger that had been there the day they left. But she needed him to understand that her father was the only person she trusted to back her a hundred percent all of the time. "Dad's still around and very present in our lives, Grampa, so don't...don't say anything especially in front of Georgie. Please."

Jack was surprised by the fact that Tim was still in Lou's life, even more surprised to find that he was a part of Georgie's. "I won't..." He held out the cup of tea he had been making to take to Amy out to her. "Here."

Lou gently took it from his hands. "Thank-you." She moved over to look out the window, seeing the paddocks, and yards for the horses. The property that could have once been hers. "Look Grampa..."

"Lou..."

Lou paused when she realised he had spoken her name just as she was starting to speak, yet she stopped and gave him a nod to continue. It was polite and respectful thing to do and Marion had always demanded manners from her. "You go..."

"I know it is a lot to ask, especially since, well, you..."

Lou could see the struggle in his eyes, as if he had forgotten how to communicate with her. Straight to the point, that had always been the best way. "What is it, Grampa? If I can help, I will." It was honest. Despite what he probably thought of her, she would always put family first and if she could help him or Amy then she would. She had a chance to be apart of their lives now that Marion was gone.

Jack looked nervous, as if he was about to ask the most forbidden question. Because to him, the topic has always seemed untouchable. Marion had shut him down the one time he had brought it up to her, pushed it away and that was when he decided to never speak her name, to even whisper...Lou. "Will you stay? At least for a while until...well, I've got some problems with the bank and your mother she mentioned a kid coming, he's on probation but she had a good feeling and I..."

Lou gently reached out to touch his arm but pulled her hand back for she could make contact, instead running her fingers through her hair. She knew that this question would have taken a lot of courage for her grandfather to ask, and she felt grateful that he had at least thought to ask her. It felt unusual that she was being asked to stay when they had once told her to leave, but she'd take it, at least for a while. "Uh, yeah, Georgie and I can stay a while." She made the decision without even thinking it over.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"Grandpa!" Georgie snuggled under the covers, whispering into the phone.

Tim snorted on the other end of the line. "Rugrat, why you whispering?"

"Uh, covert operation, Grandpa." Georgie replied as if he should have known exactly what they were speaking about.

"Oh, right, of course." He shook his head, they'd spent all last summer working on secret missions. Trying to convince Lou to let him buy her a horse. "What are you doing, honey?" When they were home in New York, he was like a pea in a pod with his granddaughter, it was weird to have her be so far away that she needed to use a phone to talk to him. Usually she could just yell down the hall.

"Grandpa," Georgie shuffled under the blankets nervously. "Momma's sad."

Tim drew a deep breath, he should have seen this coming. Georgie was a bright kid, she was in tune with Lou's emotions as if they were her own. He had always placed it down to the bond they had created. He had never imagined that Lou could love another child, especially not one that was not her own but then Georgie came along.  
He would never forget the day that she barged into their life, it had been as if he was staring at a little Lou. Everything about her told them that she was there to stay. "Listen, kiddo, your momma hasn't been back to Heartland in many years and she is gonna be sad for a little while but this is nothing for you to worry about. Okay?"

Georgie sighed. "Will you worry about it?"

"Always." Tim told her honestly, he always tried to be honest with her. "But it's not your job, honey, she'll be okay."

"She was crying. I heard her," Georgie paused sheepishly. "She didn't want me to but it's Amy that's makin' her sad Grandpa."

"Amy will be hurtin' too." Tim acknowledged, he could only imagine what this was doing to the 15 year old. "Listen, Georgie, I'll talk to your momma tonight. I'll do whatever I can to help her, you trust me right?"

"Yep."

"Good. Then I want you just to keep giving your momma those famous G hugs and I'll take care of the rest. Let's call it, Operation Look After Momma."

Georgie smiled. "Okay. I love you, Grandpa."

"I love you too, G. And kiddo?"

"Yeah?"

Tim sighed, unsure if this was the right thing to say. "Don't give Amy a rough time, remember how much it hurt when you lost your other momma?"

Georgie breathed in sharply. "Yeah, Grandpa, I 'member."

"That's how much Amy is hurtin' okay?"

"Okay Grandpa, I'll be nice as long as she be's nice to momma."

* * *

**….**

* * *

"So your sister is back."

Amy huffed, but nodded in acknowledgement at Soraya's statement. They were best-friends so of course it was only natural that she told her of Lou's existence but otherwise most people didn't know because no one talked about her. It was only those who knew Lou from when she lived here that knew of her. "She's here with her kid, Grampa called. I'm hoping she'll pack up an leave when she realises she's not welcome."

Soraya could hear the bitterness in her friends voice, she had known that Amy disliked Lou even though she couldn't remember her. "Have you spoken to her? Asked her about..."

"Mom told me everything I needed to know."

"Except she didn't really tell you anything."

"Soraya." Amy glared.

"What? It's the truth. Remember when we were little, we found that photo..."

Amy shook her head, looking rather confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember? We must have been 6 or 7. We were playing upstairs in the barn."

Amy tried to think back but she couldn't remember it. What on earth was Soraya talking about? She honestly didn't think she had ever seen a photo of Lou, surely she would have remembered that. Especially since she spent so long begging her mom to show her. "I don't remember."

Soraya looked at her friend weirdly, the sound of the horses hooves on the gravel was the only sound in the air. "We were playing, there was old nightstand. We were little and curious so we opened the draws and found some useless junk and a picture. Your mom was in it, and I think your dad but there was also a little girl. From memory I think she was about our age in the photo." Soraya smiled softly. "You were so excited, and we raced downstairs to show your mom but that's when things got weird."

Amy frowned. "How can you remember this? I don't...I didn't think..." Had she really seen a photo? And if she had why would her mom get weird about it, it's just a photo. "What happened after that?"

Soraya bit her bottom lip, slowing her horse to a stop. "Your mom told us it wasn't her, but you kept badgering. She told us not to snoop, that Lou was never coming back then she took the photo tore it up and put it in the bin." Soraya closed her eyes. "This is when it got weird, she walked over and grabbed you." She saw Amy's doubtful look, after all, how could she remember this but Amy couldn't. "I think I remember this because it was the only time your mom ever seemed scary. She kept repeating that you were hers and that Lou was never coming home. That your father left and it was all Lou's fault." Soraya shook her head. "It was the look in her eyes. It scared me and you were crying and then that was it. We never spoke about her again."

"Why don't I remember that?"

"I don't know, Amy, but I do, it freaked me out. I've always wondered why your family never mentioned Lou. Aren't you a little bit curious?"

Amy shrugged, a brief flash of anger crossing her face. "No. She broke my family apart, took my dad away. She doesn't deserve to be welcome here and I don't want excuses for why she did this."

Soraya knew better, she could see in Amy's eyes that she did want to know but she was stubborn enough that she didn't want to ask.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Lou stood on the porch, sipping on her coffee, Georgie played just below her in the garden just as she had once as a kid.  
The breeze blew gently across her skin, and she attempted to block out the memories that were haunting her. Just wanting a few moment to herself, to breathe. But her eyes saw her in the distance, with her friend. They were on horseback.  
She had wished to teach Amy to ride, but her mother had forbid it and now there she was, on a horse and her mother had taught her it all.

Lou closed her eyes, her right hand dropping to hover just above her stomach.

_"One day Amy, when you are all grown up all this will be ours." Lou held baby Amy tightly in her arms, showing her the lay of Heartland from their porch. "I have so much I want to teach you, and show you. You'll learn to ride, right there, in those paddocks and I'll teach you. I'll catch you if you fall, I promise." The three month old baby, just stared up at Lou with wide eyes, no longer crying as she listened to words. "You are..."_

_"Samantha Louise!"_

_Lou jumped back slightly, startled by the loud sound of her mothers voice. "Mom..."_

_"You give that baby here, right now."_

_Lou frowned, not having much of a choice as her mother pulled Amy from her arms jolting a small cry from the child as she was disturbed. "Mom, I was just...you were sleeping."_

_Marion Fleming raised her eyebrow. "Then you wake me, or you find your father. Under no circumstances do you take the baby. Do you understand?"_

_Lou felt the tears spring to her eyes, and she nodded her head obediently. "Yes Mom."_

_"Go on, get to your chores." Marion looked down at the baby in her arms. "There you are my precious girl, I've been looking for you."_

_Lou stepped back, listening to her mother speaking to Amy and Amy cooing right back. Her heart sank, her mother did not even bother to acknowledge her presence again as she walked off with Amy in her arms._

Lou opened her eyes, forcing the memory back. Trying to push down the tears and hate, hate for her mother. "Why did you do it momma? Why did you hate me?" Lou whispered quietly. "Why did you blame me when it was all your fault?" Her words were spoken a little louder, such bitterness clouding them.

"What was her fault?"

Lou stepped back, startled as Amy pulled her horse to a halt just outside the fence to the house. "Amy..."

"Tell me Lou, what did mom do? I already know what you did."

* * *

**Thoughts?  
Not long now till things unravel. Place your guess around what happened? I think it is quiet obvious now. ;)**

**I just want to say thank-you for all the lovely reviews, they truly do keep me smiling. They are some of the most genuine and kind ones I've had. **

**Much Love. x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I just want to say thank-you for all the lovely reviews, they mean a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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* * *

**Chapter Five**

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_"Tell me Lou, what did mom do? I already know what you did."_

Lou felt like she had been thrown off a horse, it wasn't the question that had Lou feeling that way but the statement. Amy felt as if she already knew the truth but she didn't, she only knew the lies that Marion had told, the secrets she had buried. "I..." Lou's hands shook with nerves, her bottom quivered slightly. Every sentence she had ever formulated in her mind to answer this question suddenly vanished and she seemed to be reaching into the darkness for something intelligent to say. "I..."

Amy dismounted from the horse, staring over the fence at her supposed sister, the stranger. All she felt was anger that Lou dared blamed her mother, her mother was kind person who put others and horses before her own wellbeing. "What did mom do, Lou?!" She demanded an answer. "Answer me. Mom was a kind person, she never did wrong to those she loved." Amy saw Lou's face pale, but she continued to push harder, wondering when Lou would just tell her. "What are you and Grampa hiding from me?! Tell me the truth." Amy knew that her grandfather wanted to keep the truth to himself because that was what her mother wanted but Lou was under no obligation, she could simply tell her, so why wouldn't she?! Why come all this way, back to this place just to live a life of lies and secrecy.

Lou could see the hatred in the teenagers eyes, yet also the little hint of curiosity. God, she wanted so badly to blurt it all out, to tell Amy everything but the more she stared at her, the more she could see the vulnerability. If she told her the whole truth then she could only imagine how Amy's world would shatter. The last thing she wanted was for the teenager to be lost and hurt, to have everything ripped away from her. It had happened to her, and she remembered all the years of anger and resentment. She couldn't do that to Amy, even if she wanted to. "Amy..."

"Why did she hate you?! Geez, why can't you just answer a damn question with honesty!" Amy shouted in frustration, was everyone the same in this family, incapable of just saying the truth. The mother she knew could never have hated her child. All Amy had ever felt growing up was loved and safe. "I deserve to know."

Lou blinked, trying to force all those tears back. "I know, Amy, I know you do but your not ready."

"I am! Goddamit!"

Lou swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, forcing the tears away. "No, your not. I won't...I can't tarnish your memory of her, not when her death is still so recent." Lou spoke the words as if she cared about her mothers memory, she didn't. She just didn't want to ruin all the good memories Amy had with her. The vision of who Amy thought she was.

"Tarnish?! Lou, she was a great person, nothing you can say would change that!"

"Momma."

"I'm okay, Georgie." Lou took a step back, she knew she had to leave before she said something she would regret later. "Momma just needs a moment."

Amy placed her hands on the fence, shaking it out of frustration. "Don't you dare walk away! Or are you just like him...our father? I remember him walking out the door..."

Lou fled back inside the house, slamming the door shut behind her. She slid down the back of the door, the tears releasing and the sobs taking over. Her arms wrapped around herself and fingers clawed at her body, her breathing becoming harsh as she struggled to breathe between the sobs.  
She wanted to tell her, but how could she? How could she tear that child's life apart?

"DON'T RUN AWAY FROM THIS LOU!"

"Lou," Jack walked into the room, crouching down beside his granddaughter.

Lou flinched, shuffling away from her grandfathers hand. "Don't. Touch. Me."

Jack held up his hands in a surrendering motion. "Okay." He spoke softly, noticing that she looked rather distressed. "What's happened?" He had heard Amy's shout from outside the house, but when he stood up to look out the window, her horse was gone and so was she. "What did you tell her?"

Lou let out a bitter laugh, of course he thought she would break the silence. Did he not know that she would do whatever it took to protect Amy? "Nothing! I told her nothing!"

"Lou,"

"No!" Lou looked up from her knees, mascara ran down her cheeks along with her tears. "I would never shatter her life like that. I love her and I will protect her. But don't you care about how this has shattered my life, how no one was there to protect me?!"

Jack frowned, taking a step back from his granddaughter. "Of course I..."

"No you don't! All I ever wanted was to be loved by her, but she blamed me and hated me for something I had no control over. It was never my fault, I was an innocent baby...if she had just listened to the midwives..." Lou pushed herself up from the floor slowly. "And then...you can tell me she cared but she didn't, she was jealous and she took everything from me." Lou's words were becoming rapid as she tried to push through everything. "She was spiteful and angry. Mom believed I took her chance of happiness away, so out of pity revenge she tore everything away from me!"

Jack shook his head, he wanted to tell her that none of it was true. Her mother had loved her, he had seen it in her eyes when she announced the pregnancy. "She just wanted to protect you, she wanted you to keep you innocent. You were her baby, Lou."

"No! I was her baby until I was born then I was the reason for all her pain." Lou jabbed a finger at him. "But don't you understand Grampa, I lost any innocence I had when she invited him into our home. He robbed me of that and she knew it, she stood by and took his side...and so did you. Why did you choose him?" She just wanted an answer, just like Amy wanted her answers.

Jack felt as if the blood was draining from his face at each of her words, his heart felt as if it dropped to the pit of his stomach. "What are you...Lou you were just a teenager, he was just a teenager..."

"He was 18! I was a child!"

"Your mother told me that you..."

Lou shook her head, the tears still freefalling down her cheeks. Her heart pounding in her chest as she finally let everything flow, everything she had been waiting years to say. "Whatever that woman told you was a lie! I was raped, Grampa. I was raped, and you ignored it."

"No!" Jack stumbled back slightly as if the words hit him with a physical force. It couldn't be, no Marion wouldn't have...surely she... "Lou, no. It can't..."

"Be true?!" Lou wiped her tears, trying furiously to dry her eyes. "Well it is. What did you think happened? I was 14!" She shook her head at him. "I thought you loved me, that you knew me better. I would never have..." She turned around not giving him another moment to speak, she fled back out the door, gasping for fresh air as she stopped still on the porch as if remembering. "Oh no...Georgie." Her eyes frantically fell to where she had left her daughter playing but she was gone. "Georgie!"

"She's right here, Lou."

Lou spun, her heart practically leaping out of her chest when she saw Georgie sitting on Amy's friends lap with her hands covering her ears, Amy's friends hands also pressed over the little girls ears as extra muffling. "Oh my." She quickly leapt forward and snatched her daughter into her arms, hugging her with such force. "How much did she hear?"

"She didn't hear anything, not after Amy left." Soraya promised, though her eyes portrayed that she had heard it all. "I'm so..."

Lou shook her head. "You don't need to apologise for anything, what happened was not your fault." She reached for the girls hand. "Just please, please don't tell anyone, especially Amy. It's my business and I..."

"I won't." Soraya immediately promised.

"Thank-you." She looked down at Georgie who was staring at her with concerned eyes, as if searching for the reason for her tears. "I love you, bug."

"I love you too, momma." She wrapped her arms around her moms neck and held her tightly, but she could sense it, something was really wrong.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Soraya walked through the diner and straight around the counter into her mothers unsuspecting arms.  
She couldn't remember the last time she'd sort out a hug from her mother but she really needed the comfort that only she could provide.

"What happened?"

She knew the question was valid but she didn't know how to answer her mother. She'd promised Lou she wouldn't say anything and while it was an incredibly tough thing to keep to herself, especially at just 15 years old but she also knew that Lou didn't deserve to be the towns gossip. Not in that context. "Nothing." Soraya whispered. "I just needed a hug."

"I won't say no to that."

Her mothers hug tightened as if she was sensing her daughters need for comfort and Soraya found herself asking why Marion hadn't comforted Lou. From what she understood through the door, Marion simply blamed her daughter for things beyond her control.  
She internally cringed, realising that Amy was now also blaming her for taking her father away. Soraya no longer believed that was the reason Tim left, he was probably trying to help Lou recover from a traumatic experience.  
She could only imagine how Amy would feel if she knew that the truth.

"Soraya, are you sure..."

"Mom, what do you do if someone asks you to keep a secret, a life changing secret?"

"Is this secret causing anyone physical harm, does it involve something illegal?"

"No."

Maggie pulled back, so that she could look into her daughters eyes. "Then you guard it. Someone has trusted you and you should never break that trust honey." She paused. "Unless it is placing you under incredible strain."

Soraya sighed. That did not help her at all.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Jack felt the tears running down his cheeks, the overwhelming sense of regret tumbling through his body as he dug through his nightstand pulling out the photo he had buried in there long ago. It was of him and Lou when she was just 9 years old, he cradled it in his hands, studying that beautiful innocent smile on her face. "I'm sorry, so sorry." He whispered into the silence of his bedroom, the sobs racking his body as brought his hands up to cover his face.  
He didn't usually cry, it took a lot to for him to release emotion this way but all he could see sprawled in his mind was the word...raped, and Lou's tear strained face and heartbroken stare.

Every fibre of his being didn't want to be believe it, but the more he rehashed the past within himself, the more he came to realise the holes in Marion's stories, ones he hadn't realised were there before.  
He had always believed 14 was to young but Lou had always been a little rebellious, stubborn even. He hadn't been here when it happened, when he returned from his trip he only had Marion's versions of events to go by and Lou's anger.  
Jack breathed deeply trying to regain his emotions. He should have just sat down and got her side of events, he could have avoided everything...but Marion had insisted that she handle everything.

"I'm a fool." Jack glanced over at his dresser, knowing it held the last picture of him and his late wife. "You'd be ashamed of me, my love. I'm ashamed of myself." He felt the tears still rolling.  
Perhaps he had some inking, surely, he should have known or at least suspected. Was he in denial, is that why...

"You're just a coward, Jack. You should have protected your granddaughter." Jack muttered to himself, unable to stood the anger that followed through him not only for himself but for his daughter. Marion. "What made you this way? Why would you turn your back on your child? Why Marion?!"

Everything he had ever thought about his daughter was spiralling, she wasn't who he had raised her to be.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Amy crept back into the house, it was dark and only illuminated by a single lamp. She half expected her grandfather to be sitting there ready to scold her for disappearing but he wasn't to be seen.  
The silence bothered her as her footsteps seemed like thunder clapping against the floor as she made her way to the bathroom.  
Her ride had allowed the anger in her body to cease slightly. It was the feeling of being on horseback with the wind in her hair, it calmed her in a way that nothing else could.

How she had acted before was unusually out of character, she couldn't remember a time that she'd acted purely out of rage before. She wondered if Lou truly deserve it, perhaps she did, perhaps she didn't. Amy wasn't sure of anything. There were so many secrets being guarded in the family and all she wanted was to be trusted and not treated like a child.

She noticed Lou's bedroom door was open just a crack, and a dim light was coming from there, but she when peaked into the room she was immediately met with the frightening glare of a 7 year old. It was slightly unnerving that this kid could hold such resentment for someone she had never met, especially since Georgie didn't actually no anything regarding the past.

"Go away!"

Amy blinked, her eyes taking in the scene. To most it would have been heart melting. Georgie was sitting under the covers, her ipad in one hand while with the other she rubbed her fingers through her mothers hair. Lou was asleep with red cheeks filled with tear strains but what really caught her attention and made her eyes practically tumble out of her head was the scar.  
She never would have known, nor seen it expect Lou's shirt had ridden up just a little and her shorts hung lower on her hips. It wasn't fully exposed because Lou's right hand was resting over it half concealing it but Amy knew what it was, her mother had one from Lou's birth. "She had a baby..." Amy whispered quietly to herself. "When..."

"Go away!" Georgie hissed again. "Leave momma alone!"

Amy ignored her, turning around she no longer attempted to keep quiet, instead she barged down the hall flinging her Grampa's bedroom door open. If she had been in the right frame of mind she would have noticed that he had been crying, that his face read the utter motion of despair. "Why didn't you tell me Lou had a baby?!" Amy demanded to know, this explain a lot.

Jack looked away from the window, to see Amy standing with an accusing glare but it was her words that shook him to the core. "Amy..."

"I have a niece or nephew out there..." Amy paused. "Oh no, did...did the baby die? Oh Grampa, if you just told me...I've been a brat to her. Some of it she deserved but if I just knew." Amy shook her head, looking straight at her grandfather but missing all he emotion in his eyes. "You should have told me. Trusted me. Is this why Lou left Heartland? Because she lost a child?"

Jack closed his eyes, nodding his head slowly. "Yes." He felt the relief to admit it, to finally have part of a secret out. No longer feeling an obligation to Marion but an obligation to Lou. "Yes, she lost a baby."

* * *

**Thoughts?  
So this chapter took me on a bit of a turn with Jack, I originally had him scripted one way but this kind of changed it. **

**Much Love. x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, all credit should go to those who deserve it.**

**.**

**I'm sorry, this is late but this by far the hardest chapter to write so far, and I am not impressed with it. I rewrote this at least 4 times, with about 5 different beginnings and endings. However, this is where it ended up. I hope you enjoy it. It does it's intended purpose and sets us up for the next chapter but I am not placing a promising date on when that will be out, I am just going to go with the flow!**

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* * *

**Chapter Six**

* * *

_Jack approached his daughter in the yard, she was in the middle of working with a mare which had her complete focus. She seemed the most at peace when she worked with horses, investing most of her time into her business not long after Lou's birth. In normal circumstances he wouldn't have interrupted this moment where she was intensely focused but he needed to have this conversation. _  
_After all it was Lou's sobs he'd heard coming through the bedroom door almost everyday since he returned. "Marion..."_

_"Is it important, I'm having a breakthrough with..."_

_He knew it was bad timing but he'd been back 72 hours, and along with Lou's crying he had also noticed the tension. "Marion, what happened while I was gone?"_

_"Nothing."_

_His daughter was many things but subtle was not one, she had replied to quickly with no hesitation. "Lou has barely left her room since I have returned, she isn't going to school. Is she sick? Did something happen, is she being bullied at school?" It was very unlike Lou to stay hold up in her room, she was ambitious, and loved being out with the horses when she had a spare moment. _

_Marion sighed, turning away from the horse. "Bullied? That's exactly what she is going to be when her friends find out she is pregnant."_

_"What?!" Jack thundered the word out, his eyes widening in disbelief at the word. "Marion, no..."_

_"Yes dad, you heard right."_

_Jack shook his head, leaning against the railing of the yard, denial running deep in his veins. "No, she is to young. Who did this to her, was it that boy...the one she has been hanging around with at school..." His mind flashed to that party, the one she went to a few months back with some friends._

_Marion glared. "No one did this to her, do not act as if she is a victim."_

_"Marion!" Jack scolded his adult daughter. "That's your child. Your baby."_

_"She's not a baby anymore. She made a decision and these are the consequences." She slowly crossed the yard to her father. "No one can make Samantha do anything she doesn't want to, she's smart but she is also a teenager, one who is testing her boundaries and this time, this time she didn't anticipate the consequences that could occur."_

_Jack frowned, he knew that partly made sense. Lou was a strong willed girl and no one could make her do anything she wasn't willing to do. He also knew that she had gotten in with a new friend group and the boundaries were being pushed, it started small with a bit of backchat but turned into breaking curfew, more parties, she had even skipped school which was highly irregular for her. It seemed only likely that she might do something of this magnitude, if only to prove to herself that she was growing up. "Have you asked..."_

_Marion didn't allow him to finish that sentence. "We had an in-depth conversation about it. I know all I need to."_

_"14 is to young to have a baby, surely..." He hated to think it, to even broach the subject, especially since she was growing a member of the family but his granddaughter was 14, she had her entire life a head of her. Something like this would make it incredibly difficult to pursue her dreams. _

_"Oh," Marion gave him a stern look. "She is having that baby, she does not get to opt out. If she thinks she is responsible enough to have sex," She pretended not to notice the way he cringed at the word. "Then she is responsible enough to deal with the aftermath. Now, dad, I have to work."_

_"Perhaps I should speak with her."_

_"No! Leave her. Until further notice, she is grounded. No leaving the ranch, and no school. I can only imagine what this will be like once word gets around town...no, I just...I'm sorry dad." She gave him a soft smile, one of those that she only reserved for him as if she didn't want him to think bad of her. "It's been a long few weeks, I'm glad your home, I am and this mess...I'm sorry. I just need sometime to process it all and so does Samantha, just leave her be at least for a little while."_

_Jack frowned, looking at Marion for some kind of sign but to him she really just seemed exhausted. Perhaps all this was weighing on her, after all, it would likely be a lot of pressure on her as well. To be a grandmother when he assumed she still wished to grow her own family. "Okay...I'll wait for her to come to me."_

_"Thank-you dad. It's all going to be okay. I'm going to figure all this out."_

Jack sat on top of his horse, staring forward but not necessarily seeing anything as he played the scene over and over in his mind realising that he should have known. He should have known from the moment he found out that Lou was a victim. But he had trusted his daughter because as a parent he should be have been able to trust her, especially with the safety of her own daughter.  
The hatred he felt for himself was swirling around inside his stomach making him feel ill, as if he was about to vomit.

He kept seeing that 14 year old little girl, standing there in the doorway pleading with him but he had kept his word to Marion and just left her be. How he wished he hadn't. He wished he'd gone with his gut instinct and pulled her into a hug.  
Now he could feel nothing but guilty for rejecting her when she need him most.

_He spotted her standing there in her bedroom doorway, tears streaming down her cheeks, her green eyes stared at him with sorrow and a sense of desperation. _  
_Part of him wanted to grab her, just pull her into a hug and shield her from the world. The other part of him was disappointed that she had placed herself in this position. Angry that she had ruined her life this way. _

_"Grampa..."_

_"You should go back to your room, Lou." He had to stay true to Marion's wishes, this was her daughter and she knew what was best. "Your mother thinks it best."_

_Lou frowned, her bottom lip quivering. "Grampa, mom doesn't...I wouldn't..."_

_"Please Lou, go back to your room."_

_"Grampa, I need to tell you...You have to know..."_

_Jack sighed, willing himself to do right by his daughter. "Your mother told me all I need to know. Go back to your room." He closed his eyes and turned away from her, trying not to crack at the sound of her cries. He prayed that Marion knew what she was doing, this was her daughter, and he tried to remember that she was doing what was best._

Tears leaked from Jack's eyes, and his grip on the reigns of his horse tightened as he attempted to regain his emotions. He would never forget that dejected look in her eyes.  
And found himself once again questioning...how did he not know? Everything seemed to be right there, he should have seen it. He should have listened to that little girls cries instead of his daughter. He should have made Lou his priority.

"I'm sorry Lou, so sorry. I wish I knew how to fix this." He sobbed to himself, his hand clutching his chest over his heart, the heart that felt as if it was breaking, not for himself but for her. For all that she had been through. "So sorry." He cried.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"Momma, no! I don't wanna go!"

Lou knelt down on the ground pulling Georgie into a tight embrace. "Listen bug, it's not going to be for long, just a few weeks until summer break then Grandpa will bring you back out here."

"No!" Georgie cried. "I wanna stay with you."

Lou felt the guilt swirling inside of her but she tried to force it down, she knew in her heart that this was the right thing to do. Georgie didn't deserve to witness everything that was happening, to be worrying about it. "I know honey, I know you do but this is the best decision for now." She pulled back cupping Georgie's face in her hands, gently wiping away the tears with her thumbs. "I know this is hard, we've never been away from each other since you came to live, huh?"

"Never." Georgie whispered, hiccupping as she tried to control her breathing. "I'll miss you."

Lou managed a weak smile. "I'll miss you more." She took one of Georgie's hand in hers. "I'll miss your cuddles, and your smile, and the way you call my name. You helped me in ways no one else could, honey and I know this is going to be really hard." In her mind they were two parts of a puzzle that fitted together with such perfection, they were bonded and rarely parted. "But Grandpa is waiting for you and he's got a lot of surprises in store." She saw a slight smile on Georgie's lips at that. "You are going to have lots of fun, you'll get to see your friends again and when you come back, I'll be better."

Georgie's bottom lip trembled. "What's wrong with you, momma?"

Lou's own bottom lip quivered as she tried to regain all her strength. "Momma is just working through some emotions, it's nothing bad and I'll be back to myself when you come back. I'll be ready to be the best momma."

"You are the best momma."

Lou immediately pulled her back into a hug. "I love you, Georgie."

"I love you too, mommy."

"It's time, come on sweetie."

Lou gave one last kiss to Georgie's head. "Be a good girl." She pressed her hand to her mouth when Georgie started to cry again, the flight attendant taking her through to board the plane.  
The little girls cries practically blasted through her ear drum on repeat and as the seconds past she felt guiltier and guiltier for the decision she had made even though she was aware it was the right decision.

It unnerved her to think that Georgie could have heard her if not for Soraya. She didn't want to imagine trying to protect Amy from finding out only for Georgie to overhear it. It was best that neither girl ever knew that information.  
She knew in her heart that she just needed a few more weeks to sort herself out, to come to common ground with Amy and her grandfather, then Georgie could return to her. She'd be more stable, able to cope with everything and be a better parent.

While her body was flooded with guilt, it wasn't just over this. It was her grandfather. She felt guilty for ruining his image of his daughter, despite not liking her own mother, the last thing she wanted to do was to taint the memory of her in the eyes of others.  
What happened between them, well, she wanted it to stay that way. It was her burden to carry, not theirs.

Oh, Soraya. Lou couldn't believe she had put the weight of a secret this huge on the shoulders of a 15 year old, to make a matter worse, she was Amy's best-friend. That hurt Lou, to know that she was asking something so big, of someone who didn't deserve the pressure.

She had to hold back a sob when she saw the plane start to pull away, being taken for take off. Her hand dropped to her stomach, hovering right over her scar. The guilt was only intensifying, here she was abandoning Georgie, just as she had abandoned Amy...

"Just get it right, Lou." She mumbled to herself, gently rubbing her fingertips across her stomach. "Why can't you get it right?" All she was doing right now was causing them both so much pain.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"And then I found out that Lou had a baby, she lost it or so Grampa says." She sighed, it would be strange for grandfather to lie about something so major but it was all her family seemed to be doing these days. "It explains a little of..." Amy frowned, recognising the look Soraya's eyes, the way she was shifting. "You know something! What do you know?"

Soraya shook her head, standing up from the log. "Don't be silly, Amy, why would I know anything? I don't know Lou." Her mind was spinning around in circles, had Lou gotten pregnant from the rape?! That would explain so much of why she left Heartland, of why she never returned. Perhaps Heartland was a reminder of that time in her life. If Amy knew then perhaps all this hatred she was feeling would just cease, at least a little and she would give Lou a break.

Amy stared at Soraya, it was clear she knew something, it was in all of her body movements, the way her eyes darted. They weren't staying still. "What do you know?"

"I don't know anything, Amy."

"Soraya, don't lie to me. Everyone lies, they keep secrets. Not you too, your supposed to be on my side."

"I am on your side."

Amy stood up, raising her eyebrow. "Are you? Tell me, Soraya, don't be like them."

Soraya bit her bottom lip, torn by the look in her best-friends eyes and the knowledge that she had promised Lou. She understood this was a major secret to keep and to have it out in the open would potentially ruin Lou's trust in her and...but this was Amy...she couldn't... "I don't..."

"Soraya, I just told you my sister had a baby, that she lost a baby and you...you don't seem surprised."

"I am surprised."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Alright fine! You're surprised, but you do know something." She placed her hands on her hips, looking Soraya directly in the eyes. "Please, come on; I'm losing it here Soraya. I need...I need the truth. Just tell me, I won't tell anyone anything...I promise..."

The look on Amy's face, the eyes that just pleaded to be told the truth for once...well, she knew she would feel incredibly guilty for it after but Amy was her best-friends. They were like sisters, they told the truth to each other and they never kept secrets. That had been the pact they'd made. "Lou was raped." The words escaped her mouth, before she clamped it shut again. God, she hadn't actually meant to say it, all she was going to do was drop a hint.

"What?!" Amy shrieked, of all the things running through her mind that was not what she had expected Soraya to say. "How do you...when, what happened?!" God, what had happened to Lou...is this what made her flee Heartland? It had to be. But, why...why wouldn't she remain in contact.

Soraya shook her head. "I don't know the details, Amy. I wasn't about to question Lou on a traumatic event in her life. I just know it happened when she was 14, before she left Heartland." She reached out to touch her friends shoulder. "Ames, I promised..."

"I won't tell her you told me." Amy promised, as she sunk back down onto the log. "I just don't understand, how can I not know any of this happened? It's like I have been kept in some massive dark hole. My sister was raped, she gave birth to a baby and I...I didn't know any of it Soraya. I've been so angry at her, god, I wish I wasn't still angry at her but I am. Why didn't she keep in contact, why didn't she visit...why did dad leave with her and never return?" Amy felt the tears coming forward into her eyes. "Why won't anyone just explain all this to me? I deserve to know the truth from them, I don't deserve to be finding it out in pieces. Why are they..."

Soraya frowned when her friend paused mid rant. "Ames..."

"Wait..." Amy stood up, as if those words Soraya had spoken were flashing in her mind. "How old was she?"

Soraya frowned. "Uh, 14. That's what I heard her say...Hey, are you okay?" She notice her friends face paling. "Amy..."

"Soraya...I'm 15...Lou's 29..." Her breaking hitched, and her heart pounded in her chest as she attempted to do the math in her head.

Soraya's eyes widened. "That could...maybe your mom was pregnant at the same time. Maybe Lou left Heartland because she was seeing everything her baby would...wait, she said...she said your mom took everything from her."

"No! No! No!" Amy turned around, sprinting away from Soraya.

"Amy, wait! Amy!"

Amy didn't know where she was running to, but she let her feet carry her in whatever direction. Her heart pounding in her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks and her head...she felt like it was spinning. It couldn't be...but it seemed to fit.  
All the secrets, the lies...her grandfathers words. _"Your mother took the only good thing to come from it...it broke Lou in the process...Amy, your here and we are all so grateful for you."_  
He knew...he tried to keep it from her...her mother...or, no...Amy felt as if she was going to vomit. Her mother wasn't her mother at all. Her sister...she'd never had a sister...it was all lies.

**Beep!**

Amy jumped backwards, falling onto her bottom, it should of hurt yet it just put herself in a better position to pull her knees into her chest. The tears unable to be stopped, the sobs, the hiccupping.

"Hey! Hey, are you okay? I didn't...oh, your crying..."

Amy didn't lift her head at the sound of the strangers voice, instead just rocking herself back and forth. "Who am I?" She let out a strangled sob, it sounded tortured. "Who am I?"

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**Thoughts? **

**Much Love. x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I just want to take a moment and thank-you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter. When I checked I had received 13 reviews for chapter 6 and I am so thankful for each of them.  
I spent the day writing this chapter. I'm not sure it is perfect, but I am content with it. I hope you all enjoy it. Thank-you for your support, I do hope you all continue on this journey with me.  
**

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**Chapter Seven**

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"This was not what I expected." He mumbled to himself, looking around the ranch, for somebody, anyone that could comfort her. Crying girls unnerved him, probably because he had seen his mother lying in bed crying to many times before.

"Who am I?"

He frowned, why was she asking herself that. She had to know who she was, she looked at least 15.  
Sighing to himself, he shifted to crouch down on the ground beside her. He wasn't quiet sure she even knew he was there, she certainly hadn't made any indication she was aware of him. "I'm just...I'm going to sit here with you until your ready." Ready for what he didn't know but it seemed like the right thing to say.

Amy heard his voice, felt him shift on the gravel beside her but she made no move to acknowledge him. She didn't think she could trust herself to speak without choking on her own tears.  
Instead her fingers clawed at her arms, keeping her head pressed into her knees as she continued her rocking motion but it wasn't helping to sooth herself.

Her body was flooded with this overwhelming emotion of self doubt; as she questioned her entire existence.  
Every little interaction she could remember with her family, every sentence they had spoken regarding love for her. It all flowed through her mind, making her question if they were ever truthful. Was their love real? It no longer felt real. Everything in the last 15 years had been a lie, a secret.

_"Look at you, Amy, a natural. Just like your momma."_

Those words struck Amy like a knife to the heart, bringing a new wave of sobs. She wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, especially her mother...was she even her mother...Marion. She wanted to give Marion the benefit of the doubt, desperately wishing for there to be another explanation. But everything, everything inside her told her it all made sense. Why Marion had never wanted to mention Lou. Why she packed up all of Lou's things and sent them away. Why her dad...no, he wasn't her dad...why Tim had left. It made sense that he would want to be with her, his daughter. He had never been hers, always Lou's.

_"Momma, why did daddy leave? Momma why?"_

_"It doesn't..."_

_"Why isn't he here momma?"_

_"Because he chose Lou. He should have chose us Amy, but he chose that girl."_

That girl...While Lou was rarely mentioned it seemed in times she was her mother never spoke nice things of her. Did Marion hate her because of the pregnancy? But then how could she be so angry at Lou but so loving to her. None of it made any sense.  
Did she try to make up for the love Lou couldn't provide? She didn't understand it.  
All she could feel was anger for them all. They had all lied to her.

_"Amy, this right here proves your mine baby girl, that you have the talent."_

Amy felt the rush of anger course through her veins, and she jumped to her feet. "Hers?! I'm not hers, I never was!" She completely ignored the stranger that had also jumped to his feet as she rushed into the barn, and straight into her mothers office.

She hadn't been in this room since the accident but with all her strength she ignored those feelings and stalked straight across to the corkboard. "I hate you!" Amy screamed, yanking the photos of her and her mother off the corkboard, ripping them in half and allowing the pieces to float to the floor. "How could you die without telling me?! Why did you keep this from me?! Why did you lie?!" Amy wailed, turning around and using all her strength to swipe the contents on the desk onto the floor, the papers flying up in the air. "What was I to you?! I wasn't your daughter."

_"Why did you do it momma? Why did you hate me? Why did you blame me when it was all your fault?"_

_"I can't tarnish your memory of her..." _

Amy remembered the words Lou had spoken on the porch but it just made the anger worse. "Was I a pawn in some game of power play?!" She grabbed the photo frame off the desk, and for the first time since the accident she looked at a photo of her mother. "Why are you dead?! Why did you leave without explaining this to me?!" She hurled the photo frame across the room, listening as it hit the wall and dropped to the floor shattering. The sound piercing through her body, that was exactly how she felt shattered. "I hate you!" She let out a loud scream, stepping on the belongings as she attempted to escape the room.

"Hang on, your going to..." He caught her just as she fell. "Whoa..." He knew what was coming next, he could feel it in her breathing, in the way she gripped onto his jacket and held with a fierce tightness.

Amy broke, the sobs releasing from her body in a strangled cry. Just holding onto this stranger, as if he was the only real thing she could place her hands on. The only real person that hadn't lied to her. "I hate them all." She cried, turning her head into his chest, soaking his jacket and shirt with her flood of tears. "Who am I?"

* * *

**...**

* * *

Lou sat in her car, staring at the barn. In the time she had been back at Heartland she had tried to avoid it. It was a place that symbolised her mother. A place that held to many memories. Some good, some a little bad but also the terrible.  
It held the one memory she could never erase from her mind, the one when she realised everything she loved, she was going to lose. It was where she realised that she wasn't of any value to her mother, but she was a means to end.

_"Mom I want this baby. I already love her...what happened doesn't define the baby. Don't make me get rid of..."_

_"Stupid girl!"_

_Lou jumped backwards, when her mother thumbed her hand on the desk. "Mom..."_

_"You think I would allow you to get rid of the child. Oh no, your quiet mistaken. You are having that baby, and I will raise it."_

_"What?! No. This is my baby, I'm carrying her." She'd known, at least she had thought she had heard her mom and dad arguing about it. Her dad told her not to worry, that it must have been a dream, that he'd never allow it to happen. "Mom..."_

_"You took it all Lou, the day you were born you stole it. This is a chance for you to just give a little back."_

_Lou stepped back, fear creeping inside her body when her mother stepped towards her. She knew her mothers love wasn't like others, she knew that other children had it better but this was different. She had seemed worse since the news of the pregnancy. "No. You can't have her. She's mine."_

_"You owe it to me. I brought you into this world!"_

_"I never asked you to! I didn't take away your ability to have children. It wasn't my fault. I was a baby."_

_"Who brought nothing but complications. It was your birth that destroyed it all. You'll give me that baby, Samantha, it's the right thing to do."_

Lou took a deep breath, shaking her head as if to clear the thoughts from her mind. She knew if she continued to think about it then she would break down. She knew she couldn't change what her mother had done, she couldn't change the past but what she could do was try to build a better future. All she needed was to figure out how to break the news to Amy.  
She did need to talk with her Grandfather first, to make him aware of what she wanted. After all she wanted to tell Amy mostly all of the truth, apart from the rape. She didn't want to burden the girl with the knowledge of how she came to be. She didn't want Amy to view herself as a product of rape, she was so much more then that.  
And perhaps once the anger in the teenager had subsided a little, they could try to build a relationship. It was a nice thought to have.

Opening her car door, and stepping out, Lou was immediately stunned into silence by the screams, and the sound of a wailing cry coming from inside the barn.  
And no matter how much she had tried to avoid the barn, she now knew couldn't...not when she knew exactly who those cries were coming from.  
Then she saw that unfamiliar car, and her legs carried her across the gravel in a sprint.  
It couldn't be. No. She hoped, she prayed, that Amy was safe.

Running high on adrenaline, she burst into the office ready to confront whatever was occurring.  
Fear, no, terror, run through her body when she saw the trashed office and Amy on the ground crying in the arms of an unknown teenager.

_"It's okay, Lou, you wanted it to sweetheart. I know you did. You're okay. Here let me kiss it better."_

The words flashed through her mind, and she tried to push away the memories and the vomit that was rising in her throat as she listened to that voice in her head. Not him. She had to remind her, to force herself to remember. She had to focus on Amy. "Who are you...what happened?!" She immediately stepped further into the room, looking down at the pair. Unsure if she should be fearful or if Amy knew this person.  
Her eyes darted around the office, looking at all the damage, but what drew her eye was the smash photo of Amy and her mother. "Amy..."

"Go away."

Lou steeled her, it didn't surprise her that Amy didn't want her here but she knew in her heart she couldn't walk away from this. Despite what everyone thought, she did love Amy and she had always wanted to be there for her. "I'm...what happened? Are you okay?" She gasped when Amy looked up at her, eyes red from crying, tears still trailing down her cheeks. "Oh, Amy..." She knew the girl was still grieving, was this her lashing out because her mother was no longer around.

"You!" Amy stood up, using the stranger on the floor as leverage. "You, you stupid...How could..."

Lou stepped back, confused slightly at the rage in Amy's eyes. This wasn't the anger that Amy had been portraying since she had returned, no this was rage fuelled by something more and when Lou looked into the eyes of the teenager she saw it. Something inside her was broken. "What is..."

"How could you?! You show up here after 12 years and you ruin everything! Everything!" Amy shouts were loud. "You need to leave. Get out." Amy was about to launch forward and shove Lou out the door but the guy grabbed her around the waist.

"You wouldn't happen to be her family would you? I'm Ty, can someone explain what the hell is going on?!" He asked, trying to restrain the girl, Amy apparently.

"It's her! She's ruined everything!" If it wasn't for this Ty, she would have launched herself and slapped Lou. "I don't know who I am! Geez, is my name even supposed to be Amy?! Could I have been a whole other person?!" The tears rolled down her cheeks, she wasn't certain how she was capable of shedding this many tears.  
A new set of thoughts clouding her mind. Who would she be if she wasn't raised by Marion? Would she still have been here at Heartland? Would she know how to help horses? Have the same friends? Would be a shadow of who she was now?

Lou blinked, her mind in overload as she tried to process what was happening. The shouting ringing through her ears and she attempted to take all of it in. "I..."

"Shut up! Just shut up! All you do is lie. I know Lou, I know!"

Lou felt as if her world froze in that moment, those words piercing through heart sending it plummeting to her stomach. She didn't need to ask what Amy knew because she could see it, through the teenagers tears, the red face and that broken look as if her identity had been ripped away from her.  
She wanted to say something, to attempt to make it better but nothing she said would fix this.  
It wasn't how Amy was supposed to find out. It was supposed to come from her, when the time was right. Not that there would have ever been a right time to rip Amy's world apart. "I'm..." Her hands shook with nerves, and the tears pooled back in her eyes.

"Don't you dare apologize! You're not sorry for what you've done! You're sorry I found out!" Amy screeched, pointing at her. "You shed any responsibility you had for me, you..."

"Amy, no, it wasn't like that. I never..."

"And then..." Amy hiccupped, shouting over Lou. "And then you went and got yourself a replacement kid! I hate you! I hate you."

"Hey, hold on, what is going on in here?" Jack stepped into the room, seeing the tears rolling down both his granddaughters cheeks. The distress and anger in Amy's face, the helplessness in Lou's. "What has..."

"Don't!" Amy struggled against Ty, desperately just wanting to flee, to make a run for it. "You lied! Everything is a lie! Who the bloody hell am I?! I'm not Amy Fleming. I'm not your granddaughter and I'm not Lou's sister! Everything...everything...Leave me the hell alone." She wailed, finally channelling enough energy to shove Ty away, bolting straight out the door.

"Amy!" Jack called after her, but she was gone and Lou's cries filled the room. He was torn, like he was physically being ripped in half because he wanted to chase after the blonde but before him, the brunette was crumbling. "Go."

Ty shifted at the sudden word, frowning. "What?"

Normally Jack wouldn't have done this but he knew from the photo that this was Ty, and Marion had a good feeling. "Go. She needs space, but make sure no harm comes to her. I'll be along shortly."

Ty nodded slightly, unsure of what to do but he could see the man was in a tough position. Having to make a choice. So he bolted out the door after the blonde, knowing that she was in serious distress. He knew from all the experience with his mother, that he didn't have to know anything about the situation, all he had to do was be there, and he would be, just until the older man could come.

"What happened?!" Jack demanded to know, he had wanted to run after Amy, it was his instinct but he knew he wouldn't catch her. And if she was anything like Marion, then she would need a few moments. He would give her just a few to cool off.  
And that meant for the first time in a long time, he stayed standing. He stayed and he looked at his granddaughter, seeing the distress in her eyes, the torture. "Lou..."

"She knows." Lou cried a hand over her mouth, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She simply stared at the door which Amy had left from, knowing that she was the last person that teenager would want to see. "She knows, Grampa. She's so angry and she has every right to be but I...you need, you need to go to her...she needs you." Her heart was tearing apart, Amy knew. That poor girl was having everything ripped away from her.

"You need me to, Lou." Jack stepped forward, and for the first time in over 12 years he grabbed his granddaughter and pulled her into a hug, feeling her immediately grip onto his jacket and begin to sob. "I'm sorry, Lou, I'm so sorry." He felt the tears roll down his cheeks, listening to the sound of her cries which broke his heart. "It's going to be okay. We'll fix this." He didn't know how but he knew whatever Marion had broke in both his girls, he would fix, even if it took him the rest of his life.

"She's my baby."

_"No she's mine. My baby. Mom, please don't do this. I love her." Lou gripped tightly onto the newborn baby in her arms. _

_Marion glared, tutting at her daughter. "Your 14. I can do this better. Give her the life she deserves."_

_"Mommy please."_

_"Marion."_

_"No Tim. Samantha is our daughter, we need to do what is best and this is best. Amy will be our baby. Samantha can be her sister, it's a good idea."_

_"No mommy." Lou pleaded, she begged as the baby was taken from her arms by her mother. "Daddy!"_

_"Marion, this isn't right. Lou is her mother."_

_"Samantha is a child. You either stand by me Tim, or I'll take both these girls and you'll never see them." _

_Lou cried, her mother walking away with her baby. "Daddy, that's my baby."_

_Tim grabbed his daughter in a hug, feeling her shake with sobs against his body. "I know, kiddo, I know. I'll fix this. She's yours, she'll always be yours. I'll talk with your mother. I'll bring her back to you." _

"She my baby!" Lou wailed.

Jack held Lou tightly, trying to keep her up right. "I know, sweetheart, I know."

"I just want my baby back." Lou cried, she cried for everything she had ever lost, for what she had been through and for Amy. She cried for all that her daughter was going through and what she would feel. "My Amy." She whispered softly though the tears.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Amy felt like she had been running for miles as she finally fell to her knees, her vision blurry from the tears as she pounded on the ground. Not daring to look at the headstone before her, knowing if she did, she would most likely destroy it. "Why mom, why?!" Amy cried, tearing the grass out of the ground. "What was all this for?! Who am I mom?" She just wanted an answer, for someone to look at her and tell her the truth. To tell her why this happened. Why they lied and kept secrets. "Why did you do this to me? Did you take me or did she abandon me? I need answers. I need them, mommy, just tell me..." Amy begged, her eyes closed and the tears falling. "I need you. I need you to answer me. Why did you have to die?! Tell me!" She didn't know he was there until he sat down beside her and pulled her into his arms. "Who am I?"

"Shh. It's going to be okay."

"No!" Amy howled. "Nothing is okay. My grandfather is my great-grandfather. My mother is my grandmother and my sister is my mother...and I never knew. Why did they lie?"

Ty was stunned into silence, he really had walked into some major drama but he tried to hold in all his thoughts on the matter. He couldn't allow his curiosity to get in the way of this, so he held her. "Shh. I've got you." Damn, he was in a strange position, this girl didn't even know him. But maybe that was the point, maybe because she didn't know him was the reason he could do this. Maybe him being here was a bit of a blessing because he was the only one in her world right now who hadn't broken her trust and lied to her. After all he'd only met her an hour or 2 ago. "I'm here. Just let it out." He encouraged her.

Amy glared at the headstone through her tears. "I'm a burden. A product of a disgusting and vile act. That's why she abandoned me...why she never came home but why did you love me?! Why did you love me but let her walk away? I don't understand. Why mom, why?!" Amy buried her face in his chest and cried. She just cried.

* * *

**Thoughts?**

**Much Love. x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I apologise, this took way longer then I intended. But it's school holidays for the kids, I'm sick and I would so much rather be in bed. But here is chapter 8.  
I admit it isn't perfect but it'll do. I need sleep.  
I hope you enjoy it. Chapter 9 will be out as soon as I feel better! **

**.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

"Daddy." Lou whispered as if she was making a forbidden call and she wondered if she was in a sense, because she wasn't sure if her grandfather would ever be okay with Tim returning to Heartland but she needed him. "Daddy..."

"I'm here. I'm here, Lou, you've been crying. What's happened?"

Lou sniffled, using her sleeve to wipe her eyes. "She knows, Amy knows the truth."

Tim took a sharp breath, he had expected that Lou would tell her, especially now that Marion was dead but he did not expect it to be so soon. "Is...are you okay?"

"I need you." And she did, she needed the person who backed her, the one who knew every piece of the truth. Lou need her father.

"I'll be on the next flight." Tim stood up, if Lou needed him then he'd be there. "I'll...Georgie..." He looked down the hall to where his granddaughter was playing. "What should I..."

Lou bit her bottom lip, a million emotions hitting her at the one time. She needed her father, she needed someone to back her up and hug her when she cried but she also knew that Georgie could not be around. She couldn't hear about what happened, she couldn't see her mother in tears. It wouldn't do the seven year old any good, it would only sadden her. "I...you need to stay there. Georgie can't...Daddy, what am I going to do?"

Tim could hear her voice cracking, she was on the verge of crying. "Hey, listen to me kid. You're incredibly strong, but it's okay Lou, it's okay to cry, to let that emotion out."

"I'm so tired of crying. I've got to pull it together."

"No." Tim disagreed. "You need to let it out, this is going to take time, Lou. A lot of time. Amy will be in a world of turmoil, but so are you. Your Grampa..."

"He stayed with me, dad, he chose to stay instead of chasing after Amy."

Tim felt the relief flow through his body but at the same time he knew it would have been hard on Jack's behalf. To have to chose between the two girls. "You need to tell him, explain it to him. Lou, he doesn't know the half of it. He needs the truth."

Lou closed her eyes, drawing in a deep breath to keep herself from breaking down again. "I don't want to taint her to his eyes. The problems mom had with me, they are..."

"Don't. Don't say they are your fault. They aren't." He told her firmly, as he had told her a million times before. "You cannot keep this to yourself Lou. He deserves to know, and you deserve to be treated better. The truth is just part of the healing process. So you tell him. Alright?"

Lou sighed, listening to the sound of her grandfather making her a mug of coffee. "Alright, dad."

"And if you need me, then I'll be on the next flight. I promise." He paused, as if taking a moment to collect himself. "You're the bravest woman I have ever had the privilege of knowing and I know this is hard, kiddo, emotionally hard but this needed to happen. This secret has need to come out for a long time. I'm just sorry that I never made good on my promise."

"You tried all you could, dad, you fought for me that is more then anyone else has ever done. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart. Talk to your Grampa."

"I will." She promised because she knew he was right, her Grampa needed to know the truth.

"Your dad?"

Lou glanced up to just as her Grampa entered the room, hanging up the phone in her hand and throwing it on the sofa beside her. "Yeah." She glanced over at the kitchen, towards the front door. "You should be with her." While her tears had finally stopped flowing, her heart was still heavy with sadness and her mind was still full with thoughts of Amy and what she was going through. She wondered why her grandfather was with her, and not with Amy, surely he would have rathered to comfort her. God, she had begged and wished multiple times for him to hug her, to just be with her and now she was wishing he would just go and be with Amy.  
Lou didn't want to seem ungrateful, because she was incredibly thankful that for once he had chosen her but he also understood that it was Amy's world that was falling apart. She was the one losing her identity, she needed him more.

Jack passed the mug of coffee to her. "She's over at the yard." He didn't add that she was over there with Spartan, the horse Marion died saving. He thought it was a strange time to visit the horse but he let it go. Perhaps it was Amy's way of coping, she'd always used animals as a way to combat her emotions. "I'll talk with Amy in a little." He didn't say it but he needed this, to be with her, to support her. When Lou had needed him most he wasn't there, this was his chance to show her that he could be. To show her that he still cared for her, that he always loved her.

Lou stared into her mug of coffee, her knees pulled up go her chest. "She is going to hate me, and she has every right too. I never should have come back, I've destroyed her entire world."

"God no, no Lou." Jack sat down on the sofa beside her, shaking his head. The worst thing she could have done was stayed away, he needed her here. "You didn't destroy Amy's life, all of this," He waved his hand in the air. "Is because you love her. You let your mother raise her even..."

"No Grampa." Lou whispered, cutting him off. "I didn't let...I didn't let mom do anything." She breathed deeply, not at all surprised that he thought this way. He had come and gone during those years, and when he was at home she was kept busy with school and chores, told to stay out of the way. But the biggest thing was, she had never told him the truth because of that threat.

_"You are just a child Lou, a stupid irresponsible girl. Do you think he would believe you, of course he wouldn't. It would just push him further away from you."_

_"Do you want a spankin'? 14 is not to old, I'll give you one. You keep your mouth shut, your Grampa doesn't need the stress of your lies. You knew giving Amy to me was the right thing to do, Samantha. Say it. Say it was the right thing to do!"_

_"Do not mention a word of this to your Grampa, or believe me I'll send you to boarding school for the next four years. You won't see Amy. Understood?"_

It was that last threat that kept her silenced, after all her mom didn't want her grandfather to find out what she was doing. Jack still thought of his daughter as a wonderful human being, one that could do no wrong. She didn't want to ruin the image he had but it was time for him to know. "No, Grampa, mom wasn't trying to help me. She took Amy for her own selfish reasons."

"Now Lou..."

"No!" Lou stopped him, her glare giving off some sort of sternness because she needed him to listen, to hear her tell the truth. Short of repeating the rape because he didn't need to hear that part. "You need to hear my side Grampa, you need to know how she ripped Amy away because she was driven mad by hatred for me and jealously that I was able to have children." She saw confusion his eyes, and it was understandable, he'd been fed so many lies just like Amy. "Mom blamed me for her inability to conceive more children, and when I um," She paused, taking a moment to just collect herself. "Got pregnant, she changed. She'd never been overly warm and loving. You know that don't you?"

Jack cleared his throat. "She was a hard woman to please some times, but she loved you, I saw it in her eyes the day she told me she was pregnant."

Lou nodded slowly, she didn't doubt that her mother had probably loved her then but she certainly changed after the birth. "I think she did love me then, but my birth was difficult. You know that. I don't think she told you that it was the reason she couldn't conceive again, she blamed me for that."

"Oh Lou, that wasn't your fault." His eyes flickered over to the picture of his daughter on the mantle. "I just don't understand...why would she..."

"I know it wasn't my fault, Grampa, I know it now but I was just a kid. It was a lot to process. When I fell pregnant, it was as if she became jealous and bitter, and obsessive over the baby. My baby." She felt the tears spring to her eyes, and she closed them, her head down. "She took Amy, she raised her because Mom believed I owed her. That my child was some sort of redemption I had to pay."

Jack placed a hand over his mouth, a small sob escaping his lips. That was not his daughter, Marion never would have done something so horrific to her daughter, not the Marion he raised. "No, Lou, no." But the words weren't spoken as if he didn't believe her, they were spoken in denial. Denial that his daughter would do something like this.

"I know it's hard to believe but it's why mom and dad fought after the birth of Amy. It's why mom wouldn't let me near her. It's why I had to leave, because it was physically ripping me apart to be so close to my daughter but so far." She felt her bottom lip quiver but she pulled it between her teeth and willed any emotion back, seeling herself. She'd cried enough tears, this was her story and she had to own it. "I tried to tell you, but she threatened to take Amy away, or to send me to boarding school."

Jack's hands trembled. "You left..."

"Because I was broken. I still am, but at least now I'm stronger. I won't let the fear I felt for mom rule over me, I can't anymore." She reached out her hand to take his. "I'm strong Grampa, but I need you and I...I need my baby. I need her not to hate me."

Jack felt as if his heart was breaking and when he looked up and into his granddaughters eyes, he saw the 14 year old all over again. The crying, the tears, the a shadow of who she had been prior. He had missed it all, and while it had been partly Marion's fault, he also blamed himself. This woman before him was his world when she saw younger, how could he not have seen it. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Lou." His voice cracked, and the tears flowed, his sobs racking his body. "I'm sorry, my god, I should have known." He held her hand tightly in his, wishing to pull her into his arms and hold her tightly. "I didn't know. I should have known." He cried for her, without realising this was the first time in days she wasn't crying for herself.

Lou discarded her mug, gently shifting on the couch so that she could wrap her arms around him. Hearing him gasp at the sudden contact. "You didn't know. It's okay. It's okay." She attempted to sooth him.  
She felt that emotion swirling within her stomach, the need to cry but she wouldn't. She'd shed enough tears in the last few days, what she needed now was to help him to understand. So that he would then help Amy to understand. Maybe then her daughter wouldn't hate her, at least not forever.

* * *

**….**

* * *

Jack laid on his bed, a photo of Lyndy clutched in his hands. Sobs racked his body, eyes shut tightly though the tears still ran down his cheeks.  
For years they had prayed to have a child, had tried countless times before the doctor told them it was impossible. He would never forget the look on Lyndy's face that day, the devastation that her dream of being a mother would never be fulfilled. It had broken his heart, crushed it. The thought of his beloved never having that missing piece. Until...Until the impossible happened. Their miracle baby.

Marion.

Jack had thought he had done a good job at raising his daughter, she was loving, kind person. Gave him barely any trouble until she brought home Tim. But it had all been a lie.  
He hadn't done a good job, in fact, somewhere along the line he must have done something detrimental. The more he thought of everything, the more he thought it was his fault.

Whatever he had missed in those years had led to Lou and to Amy's devastation, because even through her trauma, the daughter he raised would have loved the baby she had, not blamed her. And now he didn't know how to help the girls, how to fix what Marion had done. He felt lost.

"What do I do Lyndy?" He sobbed, hugging the photo to his chest. "How do I mend them?"

This wasn't him, the only other time he had laid in his bed and sobbed like this was when he lost Lyndy. This time it was because he'd failed her, he'd failed Marion, and most importantly he had failed the two emotionally tormented girls under his roof.

"I messed up, Lyndy. I failed you. I didn't see it, I didn't protect our family." His words were mumbled among the tears. "I'm so sorry, my darling. I wish you were here. I need...I need your help." He opened his eyes, the wetness and tears making it hard to see. "I need your guidance. How do I fix what Marion broke?"

* * *

**...**

* * *

Amy stood in the doorway, she could hear the sobs coming from the room down the hall, her Grandfathers room but she felt no sympathy for him. He'd lied to her, he'd taken her whole life and moulded her into a person she might not have been if she knew the truth. Amy was angry with him but there was also no one she felt more angry with then the person sleeping in the bed just a few feet from her.  
In the dimly lit room she could see that Lou had obviously been crying, and she wondered if the older woman felt as emotionally drained as she did, tired because of all the tears she had cried.

Even though she felt this utter intense anger at Lou, she also felt an emotion she couldn't quiet place. It was why she stood in that spot, feet freezing against the wooden floor.

This was the person she had craved to meet when she was younger, when then had changed to hatred for the woman who took her father away. Except he was never her father.

Everything she ever believed was a lie and in the middle of the darkness she found herself looking for some sense of resemblance, for a sense of identity in a stranger. A key to who she truly was but all she saw were opposites. Amy found herself wondering who she looked like, because she knew she didn't look like Lou.  
Feeling the tear slip down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away. Taking a hesitant step inside the room, she leaned against the wall and slipped down till her bottom touched the floor, her line of sight never waving from Lou's face.

This woman was the cause of everything, yet the one who held the most answers.

The one who could tell her who she was, who she could have been.

Amy just sat there on the floor, tears trailing down her cheeks looking at the woman who abandoned her. Her real mother.

"Who am I Lou? Why did you abandon me? What...What happened...Why didn't you want me?" Amy whispered, leaning her head down on her knees. "Did you ever love me, Lou? Did you?"

* * *

**Thoughts? **

**I do hope to have a better chapter for you out next time. **

**Much Love. x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I apologise, I've been absent, yet things have been moving so incredibly fast in life. However, I have had some time to write, so here we are.  
I do hope you enjoy it and with any luck I will try to get the next chapter out to you very, very soon.  
**

**If you've been waiting for this chapter, and are still here to read it then I thankyou. I truly thank you. **

**.**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

Amy leant on the door of Spartan's stall, staring at him. She had narrowly avoided seeing her grandfather or Lou this morning, rising early enough to sneak out of the house, not quiet ready for the confrontation she knew was coming.

"I'm angry, boy, I don't know anything about myself anymore." She quietly vented to the horse that had started it all, the horse her...well Marion died saving. Irrationally she blamed him but he was a horse, this wasn't his fault.  
And now she found herself standing outside his stall because perhaps the only way to clear her mind was to work through things in her usual way, with horses. More specifically with a horse that was somehow involved in all of this. "Twenty four hours ago I knew who I was, now everything has changed, I'm..."

"Still the same girl."

Amy turned, startled slightly at the sound of the voice but relieved to see it was just Ty coming down the stairs. Part of her was rather embarrassed that he'd turned up at Heartland to see her family is the middle of a breakdown. She was certain it was not the welcome he had been expecting but he had handled it with ease and even comforted her. However in this moment she couldn't help but disagree with him, he knew what had occurred. "No I'm not...In fact..."

Ty interrupted her before she could ramble on in self pity. "I agree that your life is currently in spirals, but you are exactly the same person you were before this happened. You still look the same, talk the same and have the same talents. You're just a little..."

"I..." Amy didn't want to believe what he was saying, she'd had this life altering thing thrown in her face. Of course she was a different person. She had different parents...her entire life was based on a lie.

Ty came over to stand beside her, peering into Spartan's stall. "Your foundation is there Amy, it's just cracked. It can be repaired." He didn't know every single detail but he was ninety nine percent certain that the teenager before him didn't know everything either.  
In his experience if a parent abandons their child they don't usually come back, especially because of the child they left behind.  
The circumstances of Amy's birth made it hard to believe that if Lou had abandoned her then she would suddenly show up caring again. He knew in his head that there was more to the story but it was obvious that Amy wasn't willing to hear that yet.

Amy stared at him, wondering if perhaps he was right. Was she just being dramatic about it? She was still Amy, at least she knew in her heart that's who she was but she couldn't help but wonder if she would have been a whole different person had she been raised by Lou. "Can you help me get him to the yard? I need to clear my mind." And she did, she need to think about things without a person in front of her. If she could sort her mind then maybe she wouldn't lash out if she was confronted by her grandfather or Lou.

* * *

**...**

* * *

Lou stood in the doorframe of Amy's bedroom, her eyes scanned the room, looking at all the belongings. Posters and trophies that symbolised who the little girl had grown into.  
Even though the dna was there, she tried to make a conscious effort to not refer to Amy as hers. When she did, she felt as if she was being selfish, because she hadn't taken any part in raising Amy into the young woman she had become.

Her heart broke when she saw the bear lying on the ground, the stuffing that had been ripped out, the torn photo that laid on the floor. She wanted to cry, just like she had cried when she had made the bear but she didn't.  
She was taking every bit of will power she had to pull herself together and that meant no more tears.

This was her second chance, and crying over everything Marion took was not embracing the moments she was now being given.

Crossing the room she gathered the body of the bear and tucked it against her body, taking a deep breath. This bear was a symbol.

Her symbol that she had never forgotten Amy.  
A symbol of love.

And now it would be a symbol that even broken things can be repaired.

She leant down to gather a handful of stuffing, a tear sliding down her cheek as she did.

_"Mom, please!"_

_"No. You made the choice to leave. You walked away and abandoned your child."_

_"My child?! She calls you mom! You can't say I abandoned her when you won't let me near her."_

_"You left her."_

_"You gave me no other choice...please mom, it's her birthday."_

_"You're not welcome here, Samantha. Amy hasn't mention you in months. Don't return just to upset her."_

_Lou cried when the dial tone rung in her ear indicating that her mother had ended the call. Her eyes drifted to the bear she had been crafting to Amy's birthday. It was lying in a box at the end of her bed. Perhaps it was where it would have to stay. _

**_…._**

_"You finish that bear. You send it to her. It's the right thing to do."_

_"Mom won't give it to her, it'll be thrown out."_

_"You don't know that. It's the right thing to do Lou. At least you know you sent it, then she can know you still think about her. That you still love her." Tim sunk down onto the floor beside his daughter. "This bear is your symbol. Don't just throw it away."_

_"Mom will."_

_"Then address it to your grandfather, let him give it to Amy." Tim wrapped his arm around his daughter. "Do this. Just see where it leads."_

It was nice to know the Amy had received the bear she'd sent her, that her Grandfather had given it to the little girl.  
It was sad to see the symbol, the love she'd poured into it, ripped apart.  
Yet she had to make herself understand that it would take Amy longer then twenty four hours to accept this new truth, if she ever chose to accept it at all.

Until then...or at least for today, she'd mend this bear.

* * *

**...**

* * *

"Amy,"

Amy stood in the middle of the yard, watching Spartan run round and round in front of her. She didn't turn to acknowledge her Grandfathers presence, nor did she speak. Not trusting the words that would come from her mouth.  
What could she say to him?  
Her mind had been spinning with thoughts after her conversation with Ty but she still wasn't ready to voice them to her Grandfather. He had betrayed her. Years worth of anger were swirling in her mind.

"Amy,"

"Don't," Amy spoke sharply, having to remind herself to take a deep breath. "I'm not ready." She didn't want to shout at him, she didn't have the energy too.

Jack stared at his granddaughter, wishing he could compel her to speak with him. He wanted to mend this, to mend both of the ladies in his life. "Amy, please, I want you to understand..."

"I don't want to understand. I don't want to hear your excuses or..." Her temper was flaring, she could feel the fire in her belly. "Grampa, please, I can't do this. I want to be alone."

"Sweetheart, I know this is hard, your entire world is upside down, but you are not alone. I'm here. Lou is here."

"Lou abandoned me! She never wanted me."

"Amy, that isn't true."

Amy spun around to face her grandfather, fully aware that her eyes were now filling with tears again. "Yes it is! She left me here, on this ranch, while she went and moved to New York City with the man I thought was my father. How could she? She carried me in her..." Amy felt the tears streaming down her face, her heart racing her chest. Lou had carried her in her stomach...Lou, not Marion. "She carried me and then tossed me aside!"

Jack shook his head vigorously, the despair welling inside of him. How could he help Amy to realise that Lou wanted her then and still wanted her now. "Amy, Lou loves you, she has always loved you."

Amy laughed, a sarcastic laugh filled with venom. "Isn't it funny that she loves me but had no problem giving me up and then raising a different child?"

"Oh, no, Amy that isn't..."

"I don't want her here. I don't want her anywhere near me." Amy felt the nudge against her back, and she stiffened. The horse. "Spartan..." She turned, her eyes meeting that of the large animal in front of her. "Oh,"

"Amy," Jack tried to draw her attention back to him. "I know this is all a mess, and I have done somethings that I will never forgive myself for." He didn't know if she was listening to him but he continued to speak, the words needed to be said. "Lou loves you, you may not be willing to talk to her yet, but when you are I think you'll start to understand how this came to be." He gently tapped the wooden fence. "You are and always will be a gift, Amy; one we all treasure."

* * *

**...**

* * *

Lou couldn't bring herself to eat with her grandfather that night, she couldn't bring herself to look for Amy, or to call Georgie.  
All she could bare to do was climb back into bed and cling to the bear she had repaired, her fingers holding it close to her body.

She had overstepped her boundaries, she knew that, but it felt right. This bear was something she wanted Amy to have, and despite knowing that the teenager could very well rip it apart again, it was worth it. But for this night, she'd hold it, just for now, to remind her of a time when she'd been hopeful she'd get Amy back.

_"It will be a long battle. A costly one. However, I think will some effort, and a good foundation, we could win. We could bring your daughter home."_

Lou felt the tear slide down her cheek, and she closed her eyes in attempt to keep them in.

**It had failed.**

* * *

**...**

* * *

She didn't know why but she found herself in the same position as the night before, except this time she was sitting there glaring at the bear in Lou's arms.  
_She'd found it. _  
Amy didn't know how to feel, the emotions clawed at her body, part anger, part sadness. Lou had mended the bear, made it whole again.

And she briefly found herself wondering if Lou could mend her too, make her whole...but the thought was shaken from her mind as quickly as it came. It was silly of her to think that Lou might actually care enough.

"I want answers." Amy found herself whispering into the darkness. "I want to know why." All she wanted was the truth, to understand it all but it terrified her. What if the answers only made this mess hurt more? What if it took away even more of her foundation? What if the truth only made her feel more hatred, what if it made her feel even more alone?

Amy didn't think she could handle feeling more alone then she did already. Lou had Georgie, Lou had her father and now, now she had their Grampa. Who did she have? Some boy she barely knew, who had come to meet her at the lowest point in her life? It wasn't enough.

She closed her eyes, and leaned her head back against the door. "I'm scared." She admitted into the darkness, allowing the silent tears to roll down her cheeks. "I'm scared of who I am, I'm scared of who I'll never be again."

* * *

**...**

* * *

Lou sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the teenager curled up on the wooden floor. She'd covered her with a blanket, but now she was watching, waiting for her to wake.

Amy was here. In her room.

* * *

**Thoughts? **

**I hope to get the next chapter out to you, in a week at the latest. **

**Much Love. x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heartland, nor any of the characters, give credit to those who deserve it. **

**.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thankyou for the reviews on the last one. I loved reading them, and it is wonderful to know that some of you are still enjoying this story. **

**.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

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She thought she could do it, sit in front of Lou and demand some kind of answer to this life altering news but the moment her eyes opened and she had seen the blanket laid on top of her, all Amy wanted to do was leave. She wasn't strong enough for this. Not yet.

Lou could see it in Amy's eyes the moment she had awoken, she'd gone into flight mode and the blanket that had kept her warm was thrown from her body as she jumped to her feet.

Lou stayed where she was, the best course of action she could take was not to leap into Amy's space. Even though she wanted to. The thought of being this close to her had her heart pounding.

"I..." Amy turned to leave.

Lou sighed, closing her eyes. She didn't try to stop Amy from leaving, not if that was what the teenager wanted to do but she also couldn't bring herself to watch Amy walk out the door, away from her. It would hurt.  
The footsteps stopped but Lou couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, if she did, then the tears would fall freely and she was trying so hard to keep them in.

"Why? Why did you leave Heartland? I don't understand it." Amy whispered. "You claim that you love me, but if you did then why would you leave me?" Her words seemed to bleed desperation. She wasn't sure if she wanted the answer or why she even stopped and asked the question. But it wouldn't leave her mind. Lou had been claiming to love her, but why would you abandon someone you love. There was one reason though that wouldn't leave her mind. It would explain why Lou had left. "Do I look like him?"

Lou sucked in a breath sharply, a part of her wondered if Amy had thought about it but she hadn't expected this question so soon. All these years she had spent trying to block him out of her mind. She didn't want to revisit his face, those memories. When she did, it was vivid as if she could feel his breath on her neck, on her cheek. A shiver ran though her body. She wouldn't allow him a moment more thought, to take anymore time from her.  
He was scum. A vile animal. Nothing more.

"No." Lou choked, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. "No. No. You're Fleming." She thought of her father, and how much Amy resembled that side of their family. "You look more like my...like my dad..." The word was spoken softly, and she could see Amy's shoulders tense. Perhaps she should have referred to him as Tim. "Then I do." Lou finished, her voice barely above a whisper. "You're all Fleming." And she meant it, there was barely any trace of that psycho in Amy, and Lou couldn't be more thankful for it.

Amy felt the relief flood through her body, to here those words from Lou's mouth. Nothing like a rapist. It was a relief.  
But the other emotions, they didn't leave. She was still bitter, sad, angry. Tim wasn't her father. Marion wasn't her mother. Her biological mother was standing behind her. "You abandoned me." The words came from her mouth, and her hand reached for the door handle, holding it tightly, ready to run out and slam the door behind her.

Lou's hand reached up to cover her mouth, the sadness seeping through her. "It's not what I wanted." Her voice was muffled but she knew Amy would have heard her. "I never wanted to leave you. I just...I didn't have a choice."

Amy whirled around. "No choice? No one forced you out that door, Lou! How could you walk out on me? How could you leave your own child? I grew inside you."

"It wasn't easy, Amy,"

Amy frowned, since Lou had been back whenever she had been spoken to or confronted, she seemed to clam up, not wanting to speak about it. Only giving as much information as absolutely necessary. At least to her. Amy had no idea what her grandfather knew.

"For those years I was here, it felt as if I was being physically ripped apart. There is nothing worse then lying awake in the middle of the night listening to your newborn baby's cries and not being able to sooth them. I couldn't feed you. I couldn't hug you. I couldn't even be in the same room, she...she just wouldn't allow it." The tears started to roll down Lou's face, and she could see through blurry eyes that Amy's face was crumbling. "Your first word was momma, and I...I cried myself to sleep every night for a month because when you said it you weren't looking at me. Your first steps...I missed them." She wanted to stop, because the look on Amy's face told her it was enough but she couldn't. She wanted the teenager to know it wasn't easy on her, that the decision she made to leave wasn't because she had a choice. "I missed them because once she knew it would be soon, so she sent me on a camping trip. But the hardest thing Amy, the hardest thing I witnessed was watching the two of you...everyday...she'd hug you, kiss you on the top of the head, tell you she loved you and that you were mommas little mini me."

"You abandoned me because she gave me the attention you wanted?" Amy choked out through her own tears, her voice raw with emotion.

"God, no." Lou stood up, her arms wrapped around her mid section, her stomach physically ached. "Let me finish, you'd look up at her with a bright smile and say...I love you, momma. And every single time another piece of who I was would break."

"I was only a child! You can't blame me for that. I thought she was my mother! So you left? You left because it was easier then staying here, where I was?"

"You have to understand, Amy, I was slowly withdrawing further and further into myself and the only one who could see it was...my dad." Lou drew in a ragged breath, she couldn't tell Amy just how bad it had gotten. How truly lost she had been. "I am broken, and I will forever be broken, Amy. Everything...every ounce of my being was stolen from her and I will never be the the person I could have been. I will never get those moments back." She looked into the eyes of the only person she knew she had truly wronged in life. "I wish she had never ripped you from my arms. I wish I had been strong enough to fight her but I was already so tormented and nothing I said could make her see sense. She just stole you and I didn't..." Lou closed her eyes just for a moment. "I'm so sorry."

"Lou..." Amy's breath was shaky and she took a step backwards, the emotions hitting her like a tonne of bricks. She needed to escape.

Lou could see the teenager retreating, the invisible walls going up between them but she needed to tell her, just needed her to know. "I fought for you. I did; but it wasn't enough. I'm sorry, Amy; I am. But I need you to believe me when I say, I loved you from the very moment I knew you existed and I won't leave you ever again." Lou dropped to the floor as Amy fled.  
The only sounds in the house were that of Amy's bedroom door slamming shut and Lou's sobs as she curled up on the floor.

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**...**

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Amy felt as if she was on auto pilot, she could feel herself moving but it was as if she wasn't telling it where to go but it was inevitable. She found herself climbing into the chair by Lou's bedroom window, pulling the blanket over her body.  
She didn't know why, but this gave her a sense of comfort. All day she'd been hauled up in her room, in a flood of tears. Normally she'd see to the horses to make her feel better, to clear her head, but even that didn't seem tempting. Her Grampa had knocked on the door a few times, she didn't answer. He'd left lunch and dinner but neither she could stomach.  
There was so much she wanted to ask Lou, but the information this morning had been to much. Her mind was still reeling.

What had Lou meant when she said she had fought for her? The question had been at the forefront of her mind all day. She wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer.

Her eye lids felt heavy, perhaps from all the crying. The heaviness in her heart. The weight in her mind. It was all playing a part. Exhausted for the first time in a long time due to emotions.  
She was on the verge of closing her eyes and falling asleep but the notepad rested on the bed next to sleeping Lou caught her eye.  
She immediately looked away, a preach of privacy she reminded herself. If she wanted other people to respect her space then she needed to respect theirs but she couldn't dampen the curiosity and before long she found herself looking back in that direction.

Lou's cup of tea was by the bed, not longer steaming but stone cold. The tear marks on her cheeks were glistening. What she had been writing had made her cry. That only further sparked her curiosity, and before she could properly think out her actions she was moving across the room and snatching the notepad into her arms.  
Amy didn't dare to look at it until she was seated back in her chair, but when she did she felt the blood drain from her face. She had expected a little sneak peak into Lou's life...not a letter addressed to her.  
Her hands shook slightly as she pressed herself further back into the chair. Why had Lou been writing to her? It was a simple question but one she thought she knew the answer to. Lou had been writing to her because she felt like she had no other choice. Face to face conversation wasn't getting them anywhere.

Taking a deep breath she looked down at the notepad before her and allowed her eyes to run over each word.

_Amy; _

_I always dreaded the day this would come out, not because I didn't wish for you to know the truth but because I always knew how much it would hurt you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause you pain. _  
_Regardless of how you came into this world, you have always been a light in my life, Amy, and I cannot apologise enough for being the reason your light has dimmed inside of you. _

_I know that you have questions; and I hold the answers. _

_God, I am not sure why I am writing this to you when you are merely a staircase away from me, but somehow I know it will be easier for you to read. _

_I'm here. I am not leaving._  
_Now that you know that, I won't force you to speak, I won't confront you. Just know that when you are ready, I'll be waiting to explain. _

_I want to give you the reassurance that I have loved you your whole life Amy. I assure you, I never wanted to leave you. _  
_I wanted you._  
_I wanted to hold you, feed you, rock you to sleep, kiss you goodnight, kiss your boo boos, teach you how to ride a horse and listen to you yell momma at the top of your lungs. I imagined in my head all the things I could teach you. The ways I could make you laugh and smile. I imagined that one day, Heartland, would be ours. That we would run this place together. _

_Yet here we are. _

_I know that right now your biggest doubt is who you are...I need you to understand you are still Amy Fleming. _  
_The truth might be out, and right now it might seem like things are changing rapidly. But once things settle, if you don't wish to acknowledge this change, then we don't have to. I won't take anyway any more of your identity. If you want to continue to be Marion's daughter then I will happily be your sister. I don't need anything more then that. I just need a chance to be apart of your life. _

_So I'll wait. I'll wait for as long as it takes, Amy. _

_I love you. _

Tears fell down Amy's cheeks rapidly, dropping onto the paper in front of her. She kept saying she loved her.  
_**She loved her.**_  
The thought tossed over and over in Amy's mind as she hugged the notepad closer to her chest.

"Someone make it better." Amy whispered, her heart felt heavy, so much pain building up and up in her chest. "Make it better." She cried, burying her face underneath the blanket to muffle the sobs. She wanted someone to hold her, to make this pain cease.

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**Thoughts? **

**I hope to get the next chapter out to you, in a week at the latest. **

**Much Love. x**


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